Dear Diary
by zimian19
Summary: who are you and how dare you insult me?" "I'm not insulting you, actually I'm complementing you" "How did you get my number" "If only you were paying attention to what i said you could have known.... " Where will this relationship lead to?
1. Prologue

The story is narrated by Sakura, this is purely her POV, the italicized at the end of the story is her diary entry

"talking"

(actions being done)

_insets are from Cecelia Ahern's If You Could See Me Now (for the first parts only)_

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**Prologue: This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship**

_Imaginary friend, invisible friend, call us what you like. Maybe you believe in us, maybe you don't. The point is, it's not important. Like most people who do truly great work, we didn't exist to be talked about and praised; we exist only to serve the needs of those who need us. Maybe we don't exist at all, maybe, we're just a figment of people's imaginations, maybe it's just pure coincidence that children of the age of two, who can barely speak, all decide to start making friends with people only adults can't see. Maybe all those doctors and psychotherapists are right by suggesting that they are merely developing their imagination. Or humor me for a—_

Ring… Ring…

Argh! I'm in a middle of a good story, who could that be?

"Hello?" A deep voice that I never heard before said.

"Hello, this is Kinomoto's residents who are you calling for?" I answered

"I'm um.. looking for my brother, is he there?"

Argh! First this guy disrupts my moment and now looking for a lost brother that had no name, how I hate this guy!

"Look, I'm busy right now, and I don't know who you are or your brother is so bye bye now"

"W-wai—"

Alas, I can finish my book, now where was I? Oh yeah! At or humor me part

_Or humor me for a second. Is there possib—_

Argh! Again with the phone!

"What do you want?" I said angrily

"I'm just looking for my brother, he told me he'll be at this house, is Syaoran there?"

"There's no Syaoran here goodbye"

"Wa—"

_Is there possibly another explanation that you have—_

This guy is really getting on my nerves argh!

"What? I'm busy and there's no Syaoran here!"

"Can you please stop hanging the phone up! Look lady, if you want to finish that thing you're doing then finish it, I'll wait just don't hang the phone up! Geez!"

"You're going to wait? Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure, so finish it up already"

_Haven't thought about for the entirety of my story? The possibility that we do exist…. She was better than pizza, better than olives, better than Fridays, and better than spinning, and even these days, when she is no longer with us—and I'm not supposed to say this—but of all my friends, Elizabeth Egan is by far my favorite._

Sniff… Sniff… Another good story from Cecelia as expected. I can't believe this made me cry, of all the books I've read, Cecelia is the only one that made me cry even though there's nothing to cry. But really, having an Elizabeth in your life and an Ivan in her life it's the best thing that could happen it one's life, though I would want it that Ivan is real and not an imaginary friend.

I think I better take this call, if the guy is still waiting, that is.

"Hello?"

"So, you're finish?"

"Sniff… You actually waited?"

"I told you I'll wait, no need for you to cry on that matter"

"I'm not crying because you waited, I'm crying because I finished a book"

"Ok-ay… That's weird; you're supposed to be happy when you finish a book, not cry about it"

"Well… You see it's a good book; it's about a professional uptight lady who met an imaginary friend that changed her life"

"And that happened how actually?"

"Well it started when she saw her nephew talking with someone who's not there and—Wait a minute why am I telling you this?"

"Because I'm intrigue about the things that made a strong woman cry"

"Excuse me? Are you insulting me?"

"No, actually I'm complementing you, because you're still feminine though you seem strong"

"Argh! Who are you and how dare you insult me?"

"Hi I'm Rui, nice to meet you"

"How'd you got this number by the way?"

"If you pay any attention to what I'm saying earlier, you would've known that my brother Syaoran gave me this number in case I needed him"

"And why would he be here?"

"He told me he'd go to a friend's house to hang out, and he also told me that I could just call this number in case I need him to do something for me, or something."

"Well, Rui, there's no Syaoran here in this house, and I don't hang out with guys, I only hang out with my girl friends, so I think maybe you got the number mixed up or you're playing me"

"I'm not playing you, sorry to disturb you and made you angry sorry"

"Okay now, bye bye"

"Hey, before you hang up, can I know your name?"

"The name's Katherine, nice to meet you too"

"Are you by any chance, Sakura Kinomoto, the cheer-dancer from Tomoeda High?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I'm Li Rui, the new transferee in Tomoeda High last semester"

"As in the Rui who's an honor student"

"Yeah! But I don't want to brag about it"

"What's not to brag, you earned it"

"It's really not to be bragged about"

"B-But.. If I would be at your shoes right now I would certainly brag about it"

"Well I'm not you! Anyways, Syaoran is here, I think I got to go"

"Yeah sure, bye"

"Bye, see you at school Katherine"

Oh. My. Gosh! I can't believe it, I'm a jerk! I can't believe I did that to Rui, my Rui! Argh! This is going to be a bad week. I can't believe this, Argh! And by the way who's Syaoran? Never heard Rui has a brother.

I need to release these frustrations, and the only way to do it is to eat lots and lots of ice cream.

-Monday- 8:00-

*Yawn* I dreamt I turned Rui off. What time is it anyways?

(My eyes budging out of their sockets) "W-WHAT?! Eight A. M.?" I shouted my lungs out

"Honey, hurry up now or you're going to be late." My mom called out

Yeah! Way to go mom, reminding me I'm going to be late. I need to hurry up.

-8:30 am-

"Bye mom, by dad!" I shouted while running out of the house.

I can't believe I overslept, out of all the days to be overslept, I chose this day! Argh! The first day of school for this semester argh! This is starting to be a bad day, then a bad week argh! I can't believe my luck! What does today have, to have this kind of traffic jam? I am so going to be late for class. I think I'm going to cry…

Wait a minute! Is that Rui?

"Hey Rui! Wait up!" I shouted trying to make a fuss

Why isn't he even looking? He should've heard me

"Rui!"

"Huh?" He looked at me dumbfounded, finally reaching to him

"Rui! Hi! I see you're late too" Trying to make an impression

"Yeah and so?" Rude much!

"Nothing, you see I'm late too so it's kind of a relief to see someone late like me" Looking really stupid

"Ok-ay…" Why is he looking at me like I'm kind of weird?

"I'm Sakura Kinomoto, by the way in case you didn't know, *laugh*" Sounding more stupid than ever, I wish I could die in shame right now

"I know, you're quite popular in our school"

"Umm… Sorry about yesterday on the phone, when you were looking for Syaoran, I was just busy with my book so I was not really in the mood to talk"

"Huh?" Sounding innocent

"The phone call yesterday, have you forgotten about it?"

"Oh! I think you're mistak--"

"Oh noh! Its quarter to nine, we have to run!" Started pulling his arms, and run to our school

(Running after my breath) "We've made it, right on time" I beamed my smile

"Yeah! You're quite a runner" Smiling back at me

"Thanks, so shall we get to our class?"

"Yeah, well see you around"

"Hey! Rui, about--"

Ok-ay where did he go? He was just right here beside me a moment ago. No time to day dream now, I have to get to class.

I never knew Rui could run, I always thought he's a weakling in physical stuffs but an Einstein in mental stuff. But early this day, he runs like he was a great runner. And I thought he has asthma. I hoped he has forgiven me from the phone call yesterday, though for a moment there it seemed like he have forgotten it already. Or he was just playing me.

-12:30-

I am so famished! I felt like my brain just died down because of that senseless test. I can't believe that professor took advantage on us, that lesson wasn't even discussed yet! I need food, and fast. Here goes that line-- There's no line? How could that be? There are usually long lines at this time of the day. Where did everyone go? Well suite themselves all I want now is food, food and more food.

"Mind if I ask? Where is everybody?"

"I'm thinking the same thing, and the only answer in my mind right now, is that I'm famished and I need food"

"*Laugh* You're funny you know that?"

"I'm not making you laugh, I'm stating the truth"

"This coming from a book worm, I think I would enjoy my stay here in Tomoeda High"

"Rui" Looking back to see if my hunches are correct

"Yeah! Hi Katherine"

"Where'd you go earlier? I was about to apologize again but then you disappeared?'

"Huh?" Trying to play innocent again, like this morning

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Starting to be infuriated with this conversation

"I honestly don't know, but what I do know is your food is getting cold, you better eat it fast" Looking at my food then back at him

"Yeah, you should eat too" My mind is filled with so much thought right now, what if this guy's playing me? But probably not, why would he? What would be his motives, I'm not that gullible to be played around, and I don't think he has the guts to do it anyways.

"Hey, Katherine you alright?" Asking me worriedly

"Katherine" Hearing my name again for the nth time

He looks concerned, I wonder why that is? Is something wrong with me? I feel like I'm in space or something, I feel so light and so… weird.

"Are you alright Katherine?" Snapping his fingers near my face

"Huh?" I snapped back to reality

"I said are you alright? You spaced out with me when I mentioned Syaoran"

"Huh? Syaoran? Who's Syaoran" I thought loudly

"My brother, Syaoran, my tw—

Ring…. Ring….

There goes the bell "Let's go back to class now, don't want to be late" Smiling at him

"Yeah, Let's" Smiling back at me, I felt my knees grew weaker

-20:00-

_Dear Diary,_

_ This day has been the best day from the worst day of my life, finally talking with my one true love, Li Rui. This day didn't start out the way I planned it, but my bad day turned great. I was able to walk, rather run to school side by side with him. Eating lunch with him in the cafeteria though may not be romantic but still, it's still eating together. Finding out we're classmates, no slash that seatmates in Geometry for this semester, I just felt greater and greater. I just wishes that if this is only a dream I don't want to wake up *Sigh* How I wished he feels the same way as I do. I still remember the first day I saw him I knew I was in-love…_

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Hope you like it, all comments, suggestions, criticisms are all welcome.

Thank you for reading God bless (",)


	2. Chapter 1

Thanks for the reviews Goshy and Timeless Eclipse.

_diary entry_

"talking"

(doing action)

Sakura's POV

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**Chapter 1: When I first saw him**

"Kura, please? I beg you, come with me please? I promise, you won't carry any of my shopping bags, just go with me please?" Begging me for the nth time this day, and I still don't get why she can't get the hint that I won't go with her.

"Kura please? I'm your friend, you should be saying yes and not no" I rolled my eyes at her

"Please, just say yes, and I promise you I'll treat you ice cream"

"*Sigh* Fine, but I got sets of conditions" Finally budging to this offer

"Anything you say, just go with me please"

"First, you won't let me carry any of your shopping bags, second when I say let's go home, we go home. And lastly, make that offer of yours a full lunch, meaning with desserts" Satisfied with myself

"Deal! But no back-outs okay?" She proudly said. I eyed her for a second, trying to find any hint of regret, but all I can see was satisfaction, I wonder what she's planning to do.

"Deal, so let's meet tomorrow then at ten o'clock at Tomoeda Mall, right?" Still eyeing her

"Yup, see you tomorrow, best friend" Smiling proudly at me

Then it hit me! She didn't just call me best friend right? I could be possibly hallucinating with her last word.

"You didn't by any chance call me best friend right?"

"You bet I did, best friend"

"Oh no you didn't! I hate you! You tricked me with this, no way am I going"

"No back-outs remember?"

"Yes, there is, we talked about shopping and not blind dates!"

"Well let's mix it with shopping then, but no back-outs or else I'm telling your mom" I eyed her for a moment, when I realized that she's serious, that's when I realize I had to go along with this.

"Fine! Alright! I'm going, but promise me this will be the last" Getting tired of this

"I can't promise you that, I'm your best friend and I want the best for you. This will only stop if you'd only find a decent guy to be your boyfriend, and stop dreaming about that cyber dude"

"Hey! That's out of the line cyber dude is a nice guy okay"

"Yeah in cyber world! So when finally you decided to meet in person he disappeared. Come on be real could you please?" *Sigh* this is the fight I can't win, so it's better for me to just shut up.

Cyber dude was really nice; I was starting to like him when suddenly he disappeared like he's not even real. I'm beginning to think, it was just some random guys who had a grudge on me and is paying back for what I owe him or something. I only wished the guy tomorrow would be as nice as he is. *Sigh* If only I could turn back the time, I wouldn't like that guy so much to even ask him to meet with me, maybe then, just maybe we're still communicating. How I hate being me.

"Kura, you listening?" I suddenly heard

"Huh?"

"Argh! You spaced out again"

"No I did not" I tried to protest

"If not so what did I told you?" Eyeing her for a moment, and thinking that last thought we talked about, guessing…

"You were reminding me about the date tomorrow?"

"Nice try!" She looked at me like I'm some kind of a criminal

"Well, what did you say?"

"I said, I hope this would be the last guy, I hope you'll have a boyfriend, and don't forget to put on some nice clothes and some make-up okay? I got to go now, bye, see you tomorrow, love yah!"

"Love yah too. Be careful on the way home." I told her tiredly.

"Hey, Kura, you know that I love you right? And I'm just doing this for you, right?" She said, like she's regretting this

"Yeah, I know, go on now, go home, and meet you tomorrow" I tried to smile weakly

I love my best friend, I really do, but the problem is she gets on my nerves all the time, especially when we talked about boys. I can't help it if guys just don't like me. I like being alone anyways, not because she's got a man, I should have one too, it's not that simple. Besides, I don't need man in my life right now, especially when I'm mourning on one. *Sigh* I just hope this would be the last of them. I really can't take it anymore.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today started out bad, I had to wait for 15minutes just before the date show up, and I'm the girl, I should be the one letting him wait for me, not the other way around. Then I have to laugh at those stupid jokes, just to seem nice, so Tomoyo won't get embarrass. Then I had it, the moment he told me he like me to be his girlfriend, argh! On the first date and he already wants me to be his girlfriend, is he okay? I left without a word, I was fuming, and Tomoyo followed me, leaving her guy and that jerk back at the restaurant. I felt so ashamed after letting Tomoyo leave her guy just to follow me up to the other end of the mall. But the day did turn out great later on. Actually it's a blessing in disguise, I wouldn't have seen him if it wasn't for that jerk. What is that jerk's name anyway? I have to remember to ask Tomoyo about him, to thank him for being a jerk. And so there it was, I was running away from Tomoyo, when I bumped into this tall guy. Then my knees got weak, he looked so handsome, especially his eyes that hides behind his frameless glasses. He helped me up, when I fell down from mesmerizing him. And his laugh, it was cute, so cute that it also made me laugh. He asks me if I was alright, and all I ever heard was bells, he had a voice like an angel. I was stunned at his arms, when Tomoyo caught up with me. I was at trance by looking at him, smelling his cologne. Then I snapped back to reality when I saw Tomoyo arguing with the guy, I had to stop her by pulling her away. I said my apologies and thanks, and then I run off with Tomoyo. I can't believe I wasn't able to get his name, it's such a shame. I hope I could see him again, the next time. I hope…_

-Tuesday- start of a new school year-

_Dear Diary,_

_His name's Li Rui. When I hoped yesterday to see him again, I wasn't expecting to see him again right away, I was just hoping when suddenly it came true. I am so falling in-love with him. Having the same class as him in Algebra, I believe we'll be friends, I hope. Though we sit 5 seats apart, I believe we'd still be friends, somehow. Who am I kidding; it's impossible to befriend him, especially when he's so popular. On the first day and already he's popular, I can't possibly befriend him. Though something's weird, he looked much handsome when he was wearing that frameless glasses, rather than that blue one his wearing. But who am I to judge? He's still handsome. And I think I'm falling head over heels for him. I have to remind myself all the time, to focus on class and stop ogling at him or I'll lose my chances to befriend him. I just hope he'll notice me._

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Hope you like it, all reviews are welcome, it might be suggestions, criticism, or anything

God bless you all, and have a good day._  
_


	3. Chapter 2

I think everyone was confused sorry about that, i forgot to tell you that chapter 1 don't have the same time frame with the prologue, i was merely explaining who the ideal guy, or the guy of Sakura's dreams... here in chap2, i told about what happened after finding out that they were seatmates.

James Birdsong-- Kura is the nickname of Sakura here in the story sorry about that...

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**Chapter 2: Loving or hating geometry**

It's still early, it's only eight a.m. and here I am waiting for geometry class. I hope he's also an early bird, since he's an honor student. What am I to do for an hour? Hmm… It's a good thing I brought my new book, and it's a good thing no one's around I could finally read it.

_-insets are from Cecelia Ahern's There's No Place Like Here-_

_Jenny-May Butler, the little girl who lived across the road from me, went missing when I was a child. The Gardaí launched an investigation, which led to a lengthy public search for her… Perhaps this is why it happened to me. Perhaps because I spent so many years turning my own life upside down and looking for everything, I had forgotten to look for myself. Somewhere along the line I had forgotten to figure out who and where I was. Twenty-four years after Jenny-May Butler disappeared, I went missing too. This is my story._

(Raising my eye brow) How could she went missing, she's like a detective ever since she's little, she couldn't possibly went missing like her socks.

"I wonder how she got lost" speaking my mind out loudly

"Who got lost?" Someone from the room asked.

Wait a minute! There's no one here, who could that be? (Lowered my book to scan the room) *Sigh* what a relief, it's just Rui.

"Good morning Rui" Smiling my best smiles "I didn't hear you come in" Eyeing him for a moment

"Good morning to you too, but I think you've mistaken"

"Excuse me?" Trying to sound innocent, but I think it's not working, with him looking at me like I'm something funny

"You see, if only you've pay any attention to your surroundings, you would have noticed me coming in"

"Well I'm sorry that I like my book so much, to even notice my surroundings" Trying to calm down, I can't burst on him like what happened on the phone, the other day.

"*Laugh* You're funny you know that" Smiling at me proudly, thank goodness no one's around to see his handsome smile, that match his brown eyes perfectly. Wait a minute! Where are his glasses? Isn't he always wearing his glasses?

"I'm glad you find me to your humor, mind if I ask something?"

"Sure, as long as I can answer them why not?" Smirking at me, that makes my knees weak, it's a good thing I'm sitting or else I might have fallen.

"Why aren't you wearing your glasses? Aren't you somewhat blind without them?" I hope I didn't offend him in any way

"Well, if you only pay attention to class rather than stare at me the whole time yesterday, then maybe you might have known that I'm not Rui" Smiling like I'm some kind of idiot his talking with

"What do you mean?" Laughing at my own embarrassment

"I meant, I'm not Rui, the name's Li Syaoran, nice to meet you Sakura" Extending his hand

"What?!" I screamed my lungs out, looking at him wide-eyed

"Could you tone that down a bit?" Covering his ears, am I that loud?

"Li Syaoran? Are you playing with me Rui?" Anger starting to overcome my mixture of emotions

"Nope, sorry lady but I'm not Rui, in fact I usually get that kind of response all the time" He answered me softly, especially on the last part.

"Then you're Syaoran? Rui's brother, the one he's looking for the other day?"

"Yeah, I'm actually his twin brother, in case you didn't notice that and--" He's smiling like a jerk. I'm starting to hate geometry, how can I actually miss this? Surely I must have heard his name yesterday. Why can't I remember anything?

"You know, maybe if you stop racking you brain, you might have thought that you weren't able to hear my name yesterday since you're too busy staring at me" He said while I eyed him for quite a while.

"B-But--" I tried to protest, but nothing came out. Though there's still that other question, why do I feel like I was played?

"Oh and one more thing, I was the one who called you the other day, sorry about that, it was a dare actually"

"What?!" I shouted my lungs out again for the second time around.

"I said I'm sorry, it was just a dare, a joke supposedly"

"B-But…" I'm getting all teary-eyed from what I realized just now, I can't believe all this was just a nightmare. It was supposed to be a good day! "Sniff… And I thought I had a chance to actually befriend my Rui"

"So… your Rui huh?" He looked at me with his right eye brow so high

"What?" I asked him innocently, then he just shook his head and looked lost, then I catch him muttering "why her—people—Rui—argh!--"

"What did you just say?" I try finding out, the bits of information I heard

"Not your business!" He said, smirking like a jerk.

"Fine, so be it, don't disturb me with my book"

I can't concentrate on my book; my mind is just filled with this information that seems to be wrong. I might have been dreaming. That might be it, if I pinched myself, I'll eventually wake up. Ouch! It hurt, so maybe I'm awake after all, and this Syaoran here, or rather Rui is just playing me, might be a dare too. But, he's not wearing any glasses, and the Rui I know is blind without his glasses. Oh good Lord, what have I done to deserve this? I know I wished to befriend him, but to be played like this? And one more thing, I never heard Rui has a brother, let alone a twin. *Sigh* I don't know what to think and do anymore. *Sigh*

"You know, if you keep sighing like that, everyone will think that, that book is no good"

Some random thought I presume "*Sigh* and now I'm hearing voices in my head"

"I'm not some random bubble thought of yours, you know. I'm just stating a fact."

"Huh?" Looking away from my book for a while when I saw him eyeing at me, like he's talking with me.

"I said, if you keep sighing like that people would start to think that, that book you're reading is no good"

"It's not the book, it's you"

"What about me?"

"I just couldn't believe I missed it" I sounded like I'm mourning because of the very thought that it was him and not Rui.

"You could change class if you want to, no one's forcing you to be here, you could find where Rui is and be his classmates, for all I care" Then he just spaced out, looking out the window, showing me that he's not interested to talk with me anymore.

"I'm sorry" I muttered. I don't know how to even face him now. *Sigh* if only I could turn back the time, and be attentive to class this wouldn't have happened.

Wait a minute! Li Syaoran… Where did I hear that name before? I know it's familiar, I've heard it in the campus before, but I just can't remember.

Ring…. Ring….

Huh? Oh the bell, start of class. *Sigh* might as well go on with life.

-12:30-

"Tomoyo, wait up!" I tried calling out to her through this crowd.

"Tomoyo! Behind you" Calling her again and again. Finally! She heard me.

"Oh there you are Kura, I took the liberty to buy you lunch, since I know you hate lines * laugh*" There she is again, laughing at my weaknesses, but loving her all the more.

"Thanks Tomoyo, you're a life saver" Smiling brightly at her, like all the time she bought my lunch.

"You owe me 2.50, so pay up!"

"I always pay up, no need to rush me."

"So, what happened?" She asks out of the blue

"What do you mean what happened?" Trying to sound innocent

"I know you very well Kura, what happened"

"Tomoyo, can I ask you something? Who's Li Syaoran?"

"You're not serious girl, are you?" Why does it feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know him?

_Dear Diary,_

_I know it's stupid of me to just assume everything's going to be alright, but that's all I wished for right now. I never knew Syaoran and Rui were brothers, even though they have the same surnames. Well for one, Rui's a nice guy, and Syaoran is well… not nice! Another thing is, I never saw Syaoran before, even though his popular. Well they both are popular, Rui being an honor student, and I believe would be running for office the next school year, while Syaoran on the other hand is the bad boy basketball star, that's somehow weird since I'm a cheer-dancer and I never saw him. And I also don't know how he got in the team, being a jerk! I heard from Tomoyo that he's a troublemaker, and one of the new found members of the biker kids. I wasn't able to say to Tomoyo about how he treated me this morning, but after finding out what he is, the only reason I'm seeing for that behavior is he's playing me, another dare I presume. I hate him! No make that I hate myself for ogling at him like that yesterday, and I hate myself to even think of liking him for that matter. He's not Rui, not because he got the same look means he's gorgeous too. There's only one gorgeous Robinson, and that is Rui, and not Syaoran. I just wish that I still have the chance to change everything._

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_Hope you like it, all sorts of reviews are all welcome, might be in the form of criticism, comments and suggestions. Thank you and God bless  
_


	4. Chapter 3

Here comes chapter 3 hope you like it.

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**Chapter 3: Here comes geometry, I think**

It's another day to look forward to, I hope. *Sigh* it's still early and I'm sighing already. I wasn't able to sleep much, because of what happened yesterday, I just hope that this day would be better than yesterday. Well this is it! Woah! I felt kind of dizzy… Argh! I have to look all cheery, to brighten up my day, my first stop, geometry class.

Broom… Broom….

What's that noise?

"Here come the biker kids" I heard one of the few people gathering at the gate said. I looked out to see if what Tomoyo said was true.

"Look out!" I heard someone shouted

BAM!!

"Oh my goodness! The poor guy" One of the few ladies said

"Why? What happened?" I tried to know what was going on

"He hit Syaoran's bike, of all the biker kids, he had to choose Syaoran." She sounded like that guy is in trouble or in danger or something

"I don't get it, why do you sound like he's in for a lot of trouble?

"What planet did you come from?" Making fun of my innocence, argh! Such a snob

"Do you know how much that scratch going to cost you?" I heard Syaoran asking the guy

"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to, my brake was broken." The guy tried to reason out, but it seems like Syaoran didn't care for any of his explanation

"Well, I'm sorry too 'cause I don't care for your lame excuses"

"I-I'll just let it fix, I'm really sorry." I saw the guy determined to fix things up, that he even took the initiatives to get the bike

"What do you think you're doing?" Syaoran asked the guy. He's scary; I'm getting goose-bumps just watching them

"I'll take the bike to get it fix." The guy said shaking. Aww… Poor guy, he's already willing to get it fix, what's his problem?

"Nobody! And I mean nobody touch my bike!" Syaoran roaring at the poor guy

"I-I'm sorry" That's it! I can't take this anymore! Why does this guy had to bow down to him, he was already willing to pay for the damages, why is he still making this a big deal?

"Hey!" I shouted from the back of the crowd. "Pick on someone your own match!" I roared at him

If no one dares to stand up to this jerk then I will. I won't tolerate this anymore!

"What do you want?" He asked tiredly

"Stop picking on him, he's already willing to pay for the damages so stop making this fuss"

Why is he looking at me like I'm some kind of an idiot for entering this fight?

"Look lady, you don't know anything alright, so why don't you just go away and leave this to the big boys?" Where everyone laughed at his comment

I had enough, this is not a good day, and I'm mad! So mad! Argh! (Looked around) Aha! This will teach him his lesson. (Walking away from them to take the branch nearby)

"W-What do you think you're doing?" He asked while trying to divert my attention away from his bike

"What do you think I'm doing." Trying to sound just like him

Bam! Bam! Bam!

Then suddenly a great deal of silence enveloped me. When suddenly I felt pain and passed out.

-10:30-

Argh! Where am I? Am I already in heaven? What happened? Ouch! My head hurts.

"You know that you're lucky don't you?" I heard someone said, but I can't figure out because of this throbbing head of mine.

"You should've let it go; it was not your fight. Another thing, it's stupid of you to enter a fight when you're sick. You had me worried when I saw you passed out like that"

Then it hit me, I was in a fight earlier, was I hit? How'd I passed out? And how'd I get here?

"Tomoyo, is that you?" I ask trying to take my luck

"Yeah, it's me, how is your head? You had a bad fall… And you weren't even hit"

"I wasn't hit? How'd I passed out?" I asked in pain

"Probably because of your fever"

"I have a fever?" I asked innocently. I knew what was coming next; oh my head's going to hurt even more.

"*Sigh* I'll get you a paracetamol."

Wait! She's not mad? She usually shout her lungs out when I get sick without knowing about it, she usually told me how weird I am, or how stupid of me to not know when I'm sick. What's going on here? Am I still in dreamland?

"Here, take this."

"Thanks." Was all that I could say, after what happened.

"You don't have the slightest idea of what had happened earlier don't you?"

"No… I'm sorry"

"*Sigh* I just hope you'll get through this." I hinted that there's probability that I'm in danger right now or I'm in a lot of trouble. Either one, I'm sure that I'll get hurt more often, and maybe next time I'll be hit before I pass out.

"Say Tomoyo, what happened to that guy?" I asked out of the blue

"Nothing, he was out of the trouble the moment you entered in, and hit his bike with that branch, which caused the bike to get a lot more damage than the guy's bicycle hitting it"

"*Gulp* did I destroyed his bike?"

"I wouldn't used the word destroy, but you did a good job if you're looking for trouble that is"

Oh no! I am so dead! I can't believe it, what was I thinking?

"And of what I heard, he didn't want the guy to touch it because he made his bike with his bare hands."

Thanks Tomoyo, really thank you! If I'm not already in a lot of trouble when I learned that I destroyed it and now letting me know that he made his bike with his own bare hands, making it a lot worse. I think I'm going to die right here and right now.

"Don't be melodramatic Kura; you're not going to die. I have to go now, so when you're feeling alright just go home okay?" I answered her with a nod.

I don't want Tomoyo to go, he might be here somewhere. I have to pretend that I'm sleeping so when someone comes in they'll just leave me alone. Oh no! I'm so tense that I can't even pretend that I'm asleep. This is hopeless, might as well just go home.

Ouch! My head's driving me crazy; maybe this isn't a good idea. But I'm already half way through the school gate, I have to go home. I know I can make this, just a few more steps…

-17:00-

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm home! And I don't know how I got home. My mom said some guy carried me home, but she wasn't able to get his name since he's in a hurry. Then I woke up here in my own bed, in my own room. There's actually nothing much to write about this day, except for me being stupid! I shouldn't have done that. I should've left them alone in their little fight, it wasn't my fight anyways. But no… I entered the fight, and much more, I hit his bike more that that guy was able to hit it. If only I was a little more patient, or if I had a little more self-control, then maybe this wouldn't happen. I'll have to remind myself next time, if these things happen I need to keep my mouth shut, or rather go away like there's nothing happening in my surroundings. I should probably sleep the day off, since there's nothing much to do anyways, and I need to rest this throbbing head of mine, tomorrow's a new day. I just hope I'm going to be alright. I don't know what I'll do if I got into a fight again, and no fever to save me from a hit. No wonder Rui wouldn't take notice of me, I'm stupid, I'm not match to his level. I'm nothing more than a stupid girl. Shut eyes from me…._

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All kinds of reviews are welcome, suggestions, comments and criticisms. Thank you for reading God bless you


	5. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews: lawie-chan, James Birdsong, and Timeless Eclipse

Here comes chapter 4, hope you like it...

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**Chapter 4: Welcome to my nightmare**

"Morning dad, morning mom, I have to go to school now, bye" *Sigh* its show time!

"Aren't you a bit early, dear?" My mom ask, suspicion arising, I think

"Well, you see… *Sigh* mom, I got into a fight yesterday, and I really need to go to school early to hide from those bullies." Reasoning with my mom hoping she'll let me go A.S.A.P.

"Do you want me to go with you?" My dad asks concerned.

"I'm okay dad; I can handle myself, thank you. Bye now, wish me luck!" Smiling weakly at them. If they only knew that I don't have the slightest idea on what to do. How am I going to avoid them, especially him, we're classmates, no slash that, we're seatmates. How on earth am I going to go pass him?

Well this is school; I'll just hurry myself to the room, hoping no one would notice me. Everyone seems tense, and quiet. Am I the only one who doesn't have any idea of what's happening here? *Sigh* Why is this happening to me? I'll just have to avoid them, to avoid any more troubles. I'm in a lot of trouble already. *Sigh* better get to class.

*Gulp* He's here! And it's still early, why is he here already? "Oh no! I'm going to die"

"You're not going to die, don't worry." He said smiling at me. What's got into him?

"Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden?" Trying to see if I'm being paranoid or he's really planning on doing something

"Well, for one, I'm not Syaoran, I usually don't care about his business, but this has gone too far." He said sternly

"Rui?" He nodded, and then I eyed him for a while. It really is Rui; he's wearing those blue eyeglasses, I always see him wearing.

"You shouldn't have done that you know." He said it harshly, as if I was a criminal and his brother is the victim

"But I was only helping the poor guy" I tried to protest

"So it's true, you didn't know anything… *Sigh* just don't do it again, if anytime soon he got into a fight, just walk away as if there's nothing happening, understood?" Finishing his sentences firmly

I nodded. What's there to do, I was so scared. I never knew Rui to be this heartless, I usually see him kind and gentle. What got into him all of a sudden?

"Oh and one more thing, don't you ever let me run again, like the last time. I had to skip class because of you" He said his last words and left.

I'm doomed! It was Rui all along, and I thought it was Syaoran who I pulled to school that day. *Crying softly* I don't know what to do anymore; I want to die, die of shame and die of stupidity. I don't want to live anymore, if the guy I'm in love with hates me a lot.

*Laughter* what's that sound? Why are they laughing at me? Am I that stupid or ridiculous to be laughed at? What did I ever do to deserve this?

"Kura! What are you doing here?" Tomoyo rushed into me

"I want to die Tomoyo, I really do" Crying my heart out. This is so embarrassing, I'm in school with all this students looking at me and making fun of me, but I can't stop crying.

"Let's go, this is not the place to cry" She pulled me up and led me the way out.

"Ca-Rui was rude to me. He looked at me and talked to me like I'm some kind of criminal for doing that thing to his brother, I was only doing the right thing, and he goes rude at me. I did the right thing right Tomoyo, tell me what I did was right"

"You do know that its way out of hand right?"

"Even you? How could you? You're supposed to be at my side, you're supposed to be saying I was right, you're my best friend. How dare you side with that jerk?" I'm starting to scream, I can't take this anymore, even my own best friend siding with that jerk

"Kura, I'm your best friend, so I'll tell you the truth, it wasn't your fight in the first place. And then you disappeared even before I was able to go back to the clinic for you yesterday, where were you? You had me worried"

"I don't remember, the last thing I remember was: I was trying to go home, the next thing I knew I was at home. Mom said some guy carried me home."

"Kura… What would I do with you? First you fight in someone else's fight, then pass out in the middle of the fight without being hit, then disappear, and now crying at Rui's expenses, and in the middle of his classroom too."

"His classroom? What do you mean? I went straight to my geometry class"

"No you didn't you went to his class, our class actually"

"*Crying more* I really want to die now, I'm so humiliated."

"That's not all Kura, I think you should see something." Leading the way to my classroom.

(My eyes grew) "What is this?"

"You really don't have any idea on who you're dealing with, don't you?"

I shook my head in response. There's nothing more to say. This is everything. My name is ruined, and what more, I won't be able to show my face in this school anymore.

"So you finally decided to show up." The guy I hate the most said

"Is this your doing?" I know it's a stupid question, especially when the answer is already in black and white

"So what? If it is my doing, what are you going to do about it?" Smirking at me like a fool

"You're going to pay for this" Trying to threaten him, which probably didn't work, since he's laughing

"Me? Paying you? Oh come on Sakura! I'm not the one in debt here. You damaged my bike, so its payback time. If you want this humiliation to stop, better get your ass to work"

"Excuse me?" I can just ask my dad for the money to pay him back, I don't need to work for him

"You got it right, you'll be working for me, sadly I won't be accept any cash from you, thank you. I made my bike with my hands, so you better work for me to pay up." He's not serious is he?

"No! Thank you! I will never work for you. I know what you're thinking, tricking me into working for you to make me a slave or take advantage at me or something, and I won't allow it!."

"Is that your final answer? Then welcome to hell baby. I won't let you go off easy." He said while having his evil laugh. I'm beginning to regret my decision.

_Dear Diary,_

_Maybe I should've accepted the offer to work for him; then maybe this will be easier. Somehow I'm regretting being stubborn, but I have to keep this pace or else he'll think he won over me, which will never happen, not in a million years! The day keep getting worse and worse, first the humiliation I got from the pictures and those drawing Syaoran hanged in front of our class. Then during History, he yelled to the class that I was drooling in my sleep, which led me to think, if we were classmates or he was just passing by. Then there's Art class where he threw paint at me, which got me to discipline office for being accused to throw the first paint, wherein it was impossible since I was busy doing my art work in the first place. I'm starting to think that our art professor likes him or something, that's why she let him off easy. Then during cheer practice, I don't know how he got his hands on my clothes but, it was stupid of me to not even saw that "LOSER" thing written at the back, which made me the laughing stock in the campus. I'm the new clown, all thanks to Syaoran. And I believe this is just the beginning, but I won't give in to his demands. If he wants hell, I'll give him hell. Its payback time, I won't go easy on him. I'll think of the best revenge plot there is to get even to that jerk. You be prepared Mr. Li Syaoran!_

_Then there's one thing, that can't be erase in my mind, why is Rui that rude? He's always sweet, kind and gentle, unlike the Rui earlier. Could it be that, it was Syaoran? To make me cry that much, since he knew I like his brother a lot. Yeah that maybe it, since I believe it was Syaoran that I pulled to school that day. Rui is that nice guy in the cafeteria that must be it. Syaoran is making my life a hell. Rui is not rude. I have to erase that moment in my mind, to see that Rui is still the perfect guy in the world. I have to get some shut eye, if I want revenge. I just hope my theory is right._

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All kinds of reviews are all welcome, might be criticisms, suggestions or comments. God bless you all (",)


	6. Chapter 5

Thanks again for the reviews... here comes chapter 5, hope you like it.

By the way, i forgot to mention that in the story, Sakura's mom is here, and instead of Syaoran having sisters and Sakura having a brother its the other way around. Sakura has a sister named Tori, and Syaoran has brothers, that will be metioned on the latter chapters.

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**Chapter 5: Welcome to your nightmare**

After two weeks or so tolerating this humiliation, and gathering data, it's now time to get revenge. According to mom, the best revenge is to do nothing since revenge is not healthy, which I disregarded the moment I heard it. While dad told me the best revenge is to keep it cool, so the bullies would stop. While Tori, my sister, told me the best way is to fight it out front. The best idea I heard was from Tomoyo, her idea was to be an observer. I should keep my friends close, and my enemies closer. I should always watch him in his every move, so I'll take a step ahead of him when I get my revenge. And that's exactly how I played my cards.

"Hey girlfriend!" Tomoyo greeted me with her mischievous smile

"This is the day girlfriend, its payback time." I tried laughing an evil laugh, but it didn't work.

"So what are your plans?" Tomoyo asks all of a sudden

"You'll see." Smiling proudly at her, I don't want my plan to spoil. It has been more than two weeks now that I'm tolerating him and his childish pranks. I've gone through a lot, these past few weeks, but I have to thank him for making me stronger, that finally this day I'm getting my revenge. Welcome to hell Li Syaoran.

"Look who decided to show up"

"What do you want Syaoran?" I raised my eye brow on him. You see, this has been a hobby for me, ever since that day.

"Nothing, I'm just glad you showed up, so you ready to be tortured again this day, or you'll give up?" He smiled brightly at me, waiting for my answer.

"Not in a million years Syaoran. Not in a million years!" I said while pushing his face away my way.

I'm beginning to like this little hobby we got. I usually hate everything he's doing, but I'm starting to get used to it. Maybe mom was right, the best thing to do is nothing. Ouch!

"Kura, are you alright?" Tomoyo ask me immediately after I fall down.

"What happened?" I ask out of confusion

"I can't believe you spaced out. You walk right into Syaoran's trap"

Oh my gosh! That's so stupid of me. I totally spaced out with that thought. I can't get happy about this, I have to get my revenge, and this will be the day. I can't be stupid anymore. I'll just stand up and act like nothing happened.

"Laugh all you want, that'll be the last laugh you'll ever make." Anger rising through me, trying to laugh the evil laugh for the second time this day, and it was a success. *Evil Laugh*

Ring… Ring…

Well that's the bell, time for my plot. Good thing I planned this for some time, this will be perfect.

"Okay class; ready your pens and brains for this quiz." Our professor said, yes I'm loving this day.

"God bless on your exam." I said smiling at him. He got no idea on what he's in for today, *laughing softly*

"Ok-ay that was weird, you being nice all of a sudden"

"I'm just wishing you luck that's all, nothing weird"

Okay! I'm half way done. It's time to get the professor's attention.

"Sir, Syaoran is cheating!" I shouted raising my hand, and getting everybody's attention

"Am not!" He protested, now's my chance to slip the paper at his feet.

"Is to! I saw you looking something at your feet." Yes, that's it, come here professor.

"Is this true, Mr. Li?"

"I'm not cheating, I swear!" He protested again, but this time the professor didn't listen anymore, because he saw the paper at his feet. Syaoran looked at our professor wide eyed. Is he afraid? I never saw him like that before.

"To the discipline office young man!" Then something hit me, it's the first time I saw him like that. And I can't pin point what's this I see in his eyes.

-12:40-

"You're cruel!" I heard Tomoyo say.

"He deserved it" I said proudly. But somehow I feel so embarrass with what I did, especially when he looked at me like that.

"No, he didn't! I thought you're going to get revenge, but I didn't expect something like this, especially from you." Tomoyo said, with a hint of disappointment.

"I just have my revenge, why are you siding with him" I tried to reason out.

"I expect more from you Kura. I'm leaving." Ouch! She left me, and here I am trying to think that she'll understand me. Why is she so angry at me?

"It's stupid of you to try and do something like that" Who is that? How dare he—Rui?

"I was just revenging from the torture I got from him" I protested. He must understand, he saw what he has done to me over the few weeks

"Tsk! Don't you think its too much?" His voice raising. "He didn't do anything to deserve this, all his pranks was childish and stupid, while this, tsk! I've seen and heard enough!"

Then he left, without anything more to say. I'm starting to feel a little disappointed with what I have done to him. They're right; he didn't do anything to deserve it. I should've thought of some childish prank to get back at him this is too much. Certainly too much.

-16:00-

It's cheer practice with the basketball team, this will be the perfect time to approach him, and apologize for what I did earlier. But where is he, the practice is starting he should be here by now. He's usually an early bird, where is he.

"He's not coming" I heard someone told me

"Who?" Trying to sound innocent

"He was sent home, because of that cheating issue, and he'll stay home until he's proven to be innocent."

Oh no! What have I done? It's not supposed to end this way, it's supposed to be revenge, not destEri him. I guess I have to come clean to the discipline office, and tell them everything.

"Would you come with me in the discipline office?" I said looking back to see who it was.

"Sure, to keep you safe from the other biker kids"

My eyes grew wide when I saw who I was talking with. It's one of the biker kids, which name is stuck in my brain and I can't spell it out.

"I'm Eriol Hiiragizawa, you can call me Eri if you want."

Eriol Hiiragizawa, the name's familiar, but I can't remember where and when I heard it. *Sigh* I feel like I'm in a lot of trouble.

"Am I in trouble?"

"I would say yes, but I promised him to keep you safe until you get home. The biker kids would surely get you for this."

"*Sigh* I am in trouble, let's go to the discipline office?"

"Let's" Letting him lead the way; I just hope that he's not planning anything against me.

Here I am, it's now or never, I have to tell them the truth. Syaoran didn't cheat, it was just a plot to get back at him for everything he had put me through over the past few weeks. I know it wouldn't be easy but what choice do I still have? I got him to this mess, so it should be me who will get him out of it. I just hope they'll listen to me.

_Dear Diary,_

_I admit I'm very disappointed at myself for doing that to Syaoran. I thought I have the best revenge ever but then everything back fired. If only I could turn back the time, I wouldn't have done that. After lunch, Tomoyo didn't talk with me anymore. Then I got all the more guilty because of Eri, whom I believe is Syaoran's best friend. Then there's Rui being rude to me again, I know he has every right to be rude this time, but… Who am I kidding; even I think this is bad, and unjustifiable. What I did was wrong, and I have to apologize for that, I just hope that he wouldn't make my life a lot more hell. Well, if that'll be the case, I'll just have to accept it, he has every right to make my life a living hell, especially with what I did to him. All I can do now is endure it, and keep my mouth shut from his torture. Though there's one good thing that came out from this, I finally knew how I got home that day; Eri carried me home, according to what mom says, anyways. And that's all; everything else is bad to worse. I can't even face my own self anymore. I am so ashamed with what I did. There no explanation for what I did. I'll have to apologize to him A.S.A.P. the moment I'll see him tomorrow morning._

_Eriol Hiiragizawa, I hope we could be friends, that way Syaoran would be able to forgive me somehow. Eriol Hiiragizawa… Is he the same Eriol Hiiragizawa? Cyber dude is that you?_

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_Thank you for reading... All kinds of reviews are welcome, might be suggestions, comments and criticisms.... Thanks again and God bless.  
_


	7. Chapter 6

thanks again for the reviews Timeless Eclipse (",) hehe that's a wonderful thought but they're really twins...

here comes chapter 6, this is not in the same time frame with the preceding chapter, this is only to answer the hanging question that Sakura left in chapter 5...

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**Chapter 6: Who's Cyber dude**

Wolfie: hey, care to chat?

Blossom: I guess so, there's nothing much to here anyways

Wolfie: here too, hehe, so can I know you a/s/l?

Blossom: go first!

Wolfie: I'm 13/m/location is secret

Blossom: okay... I'm 13/f/ location is secret too

Wolfie: so where do you go for school?

Blossom: if I told you that then my location wouldn't be secret anymore.

Wolfie: yeah you're right, so what do you want to talk about?

Blossom: why is your chat name wolfie?

Wolfie: I can't think of something, a friend introduced this site to me and all my mind can think was blank… I can't think of anything actually so there, what about yours?

Blossom: oh? I thought you're a wolf addict or something of sort… as for my chat name I was just watching my mom's flower blossom a while ago before I log in, so I thought why not use it as a name

Wolfie: hehe so I guess you're a flower lover then?

Blossom: hehe, not so much, I just like to look at them blossom during this time of the year

Wolfie: I got to go now… umm.. can I at least get your name?

Blossom: Tori, Tori Konatsu

Wolfie: I'm Eriol, Eriol Hiiragizawa, nice to meet you Tori, goodbye, chat with you again tomorrow.

Blossom: yeah, chat with you again, nice meeting you Eriald

----Wolfie logged out----

"Hey, Tomoyo, you think it's safe to just chat with anyone here in this site?" Asking Tomoyo again for the nth time this night, I just think that it's not safe, since we're not seeing them.

"Don't worry too much just don't give out any true information, like your name and stuff."

"Yeah, I just gave out my sister's name and a made-up surname."

"You're cruel!" She said jokingly.

"So how are you doing?" Asking her for the nth time this night, I just don't know what to do, it's so boring, and the chat room is also boring. I think I won't chat here anymore

"Hey, Kura, I'll call you again tomorrow okay? My mom's calling me, sorry… Bye love yah"

"Bye, love yah too" If your mom was really the one who called you *Sigh* I think I'll just sleep this off tonight. I have to control these insecurities before it goes out of hand.

Wolfie: Hey, you're online again; I thought you wouldn't anymore, after I left immediately yesterday

Blossom: I was just forced to go online again by my friend

Wolfie: Say my thanks to your friend for me could you?

Blossom: why?

Wolfie: because I'm able to talk with you again, or rather chat with you

Blossom: so? I really don't see anything to thank about

Wolfie: let's just say you're the first friend I met here, that is if we are friends

Blossom: okay, now I get it, then I'll say your thanks to her, and we are friends right?

Wolfie: so Tori, can I call you Rin for short?

Blossom: sure, but if only I can call you Eri

Wolfie: then call me Eri, Rin (",)

Blossom: now that we've got each other a nick name, I think we're going to be great friends

Wolfie: I hope so too. Are you doing something for tonight?

Blossom: not that I know of why?

Wolfie: well it's Friday night, no school tomorrow; we could stay late and talk about anything, now that we're friends

Blossom: that could be great. So what to talk about then?

Wolfie: tell me something about you and I'll tell something about me.

-2:30-

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't want to admit this, but Tomoyo was right, chat room can be fun, especially when you meet a nice person over the internet. We talked about anything actually, started out with a self-introductory then it jumps to favorites, to school stuff, to other things, that ended to a good night. I hope he's real and not some wacko who likes to play someone over the internet. If he's real, then he'll be the first guy friend I'll ever have, that doesn't ask me to dates and such, just a friend. And I hope we can be good friends. I just hope if this is a dream, I never wake up; it's just too good to let it all go._

Blossom: so how's school?

Wolfie: fine I guess, except for that teacher who got his eyes on me

Blossom: why? Did you do anything wrong?

Wolfie: not that I know of, he just likes to compare me with my brother, that's all

Blossom: that's not nice. No one wants to be compared to anyone especially their siblings

Wolfie: say that to him yourself, he just didn't care

Blossom: does your brother know about this?

Wolfie: yeah, he just shrugged it off; it has always been like that. He's the perfect kid, and I'm the black sheep.

Blossom: what do you mean?

Wolfie: I meant, ever since we were little, he's the apple of everybody's eyes, and well I was always on the background, 'coz I'm not good as him

Blossom: sorry about that… But hey! Cheer up, at least you got me, and for me you're the best!

Wolfie: thanks, but I think I'll just sleep this off

Blossom: hey, if you need someone to talk with, I'm always here for you. And another friendly advice, the best way to let out a frustration is to eat lots and lots of ice cream

Wolfie: so I guess you're a tubby!

Blossom: I am not! My mom always says that something sweet can boost you into good mood, try it, maybe it'll work. Sleep tight friend.

Wolfie: thanks friend, good night

Blossom: oh and friend, don't think about it too much okay? Just think that you're great that's why they keep on comparing you with your brother because you're brother is not as good as you are okay?

_Dear Diary,_

_I never knew that this friendship will grow into something, we've been chat mates for over two year now, and I'm beginning to think that I like him, or love him for that matter. I always wait on the computer for his messages, always waiting the day when we're going to talk. Being there for me all the time, especially when Tomoyo spend more time with that boyfriend of hers. And somehow it feels like my day is not complete without anything from him. I wished we could meet, then I'll tell him the whole truth, that everything I told him is true expect for my name, I'm not Tori Konatsu, I'm Sakura Kinomoto. I told Tomoyo about my plan, and she doesn't seem too happy about it. I just don't get it, she usually plans this blind date for me, which I rarely go to because I felt that I'm already committed to Eri, then when I finally told her that I'm liking this guy she shuts herself up fro me. Well not that I care about what she think, this is my life anyway, so might as well do it as I had planned it. I'm going to tell him tomorrow and ask him to an eye ball._

"Tomoyo! How could he do this to me? And I trusted him! He's a lying jerk! I hate him! I hate wolfie!" I cried my heart out. This was supposed to be the day we'll be meeting, but he didn't show up, neither did he replied to any of my messages. I don't know what happened, we were so happy last week when we were planning this grand meeting, and then suddenly it all came crumbling down. How could he just walk away from me like this, when I'm beginning to like him very much?

"Come on Kura, he's not worth it, besides, how sure are you that he's real? He might be just playing with you the whole time." Trying to comfort me to the best way possible.

"But it can't be! I know he's true, everything's not a lie, not a lie!" I emphasized more in the last part. I feel like I was only speaking for myself, and not for the both of us. Tomoyo's right though, how sure am I that it wasn't all a lie, like how it ended? But surely that goodness is not a lie, could it be possible?

"Kura, its cyber world, everything's not real; everything there stays there, now get a hold of yourself."

"No its not! You can't just fake all those emotions, those stories and everything we've converse, there must have been a good explanation behind this." I pointed it out. She should understand me right now, I told her everything we've ever converse, everything! Not a single detail left out.

"Then how do you explain this? Huh? How?" I can feel she's staring to get angry at me. I feel like she's not here to comfort me, but to point out that I'm such a loser for trusting that guy so much

"Know what Tomoyo? Just leave me alone! I don't want to talk with anyone right now, especially you!" I had it. I know I shouldn't make any decisions when I'm angry because I'll later regret it but, what am I to do? It's getting hard for me to pour out these feelings, and all I'm getting from her is how stupid I am to fall for that kind of cheap trick. I know she just wants me to hear the truth, but now is not the right time for that. I need a friend to hug me and say everything's going to be alright and stuff like that, not this kind of stuff.

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been over a week now since Tomoyo and I last talk. God how I miss her! Not only her but Eri as well, I missed him a lot. All I did this week is check on my email, and the chat room for a hint of him, but nothing. All I get is NOTHING! I know, I know, I'm stupid. Tomoyo was right, maybe cyber dude was not real, maybe that cyber dude was some random guy that hates me for turning him down, so to pay back at me, he tried to play me. When he thought it was enough, he just dropped me like a hot potato. And I can't believe myself for letting this ruin my friendship with Tomoyo. We've been together since forever! We were still in our diapers when we became friends, and because of my insecurity with her boyfriend, I resorted to having a new friend over the internet, and letting my insecurity destroy our lifelong friendship! God, I'm so stupid, I just hope that when I have to guts to tell her I'm stupid, she's still there to listen. I miss her so_

"Hey Kura!" Then I felt a hug from behind

"Tomoyo! God I missed you *Crying*"

"I missed you too so much, I'm sorry for being a jerk to you last week and for not coming early"

"No I'm the one who should apologize for being stupid, and for realizing it just now, I'm sorry"

"Oh come here!" I hugged her tighter, and silently cried on her shoulder. I just didn't know if I'm crying because we're now friends again, or if I was still crying over that cyber dude guy.

"Hey Kura, let's not fight about this again, alright?"

"Yes, let's not. I don't want to fight with you again, ever in my life"

"Me too, I love you best friend"

"I love you too best friend"

The next thing I knew, she was hitting me with my pillow, and we're laughing our hearts out until we can't breathe anymore. I love this girl so much, that no matter how hurt I am for what that cyber dude guy did to me, I can still proudly say that I'm happy, in fact very happy that I finally have my best friend here beside me again. I just hope I'll move on from that guy. But I think I'll sure will especially with Tomoyo and her blind dates, I can get over this guy in no time. I just hope that the next guy to come in my life would be real nice and not a jerk like that cyber dude guy.

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hope you enjoyed it. All kinds of reviews are welcome, might be criticisms, suggestions and comments. thanks again and God bless. 


	8. Chapter 7

Here's chapter 7, sorry for the delay been busy with the store that i wasn't able to load up my internet so the update was late sorry... promise to update tomorrow...

thanks for the reviews Timeless Eclipse and James Birdsong....

this chapter now is with the same time frame as chapter 5... hope you like it...

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**Chapter 7: This weird thing I'm feeling right now**

I know I should be happy right now, that everything's okay. He's back at school, he doesn't torture me anymore. Actually, he not speaking with me anymore, our hobby had ended. Tomoyo and I are talking again, after a week of ignoring me. Roy is also not in speaking terms with me and so is Rui. All in all I should be happy because it's the way things are supposed to be, like before. But, why am I feeling so alone and lonely?

"Tomoyo, I'm sorry again for what happened." I said my sorry again. Ever since that day, she seemed so distant with me. She always let this boyfriend of hers hang with us, when it's supposed to be our time together.

"I said its okay didn't I? You should stop saying sorry to me all the time"

"Okay… Well Tomoyo I have to go now, I need to finish a lot of home works that I wasn't able to do last night"

"Okay, be careful on your way home"

"Yeah, you too, love yah girl." She didn't even say love yah too, which she normally does. I feel I'm going to cry. I need to go home quick.

_Dear Diary,_

_Why is all this happening to me? First, I done the most stupid thing I've ever done in my entire life, then I lost my best friend and I lost the man I love and everything that goes with it. The weird thing is I miss the days I bickered with Syaoran, or that time when he pulls that childish prank of his. I missed the days when he smiles at me, making me feel I'm worth all those attentions. And now… Everything disappeared._

Knock… Knock…

"Wait a minute!" I respond I didn't want them to see me crying and wonder what's happening to me

"Dear, I know you're crying, let me come in, talk with me." My mom said, as if she can really help

"I'm alright mom, really, nothing to be worried about." I assured her, slowly opening the door.

"Oh honey, you're not alright, come on tell me everything about it." Smiling softly at me, assuring me that everything's going to be alright, and that I can cry all I want without being ashamed of it.

"Oh mom! I can't take it anymore! It started out me being stupid then all of a sudden I lost Tomoyo then I thought I was struggling at the lost of Rui when in fact I'm struggling because Syaoran doesn't care about it anymore!"

Then it hit me! I missed Syaoran? I'm struggling because he doesn't care about me anymore? What's got into me?

"Let me see if I got this right. Syaoran is the twin brother of your Rui right? He's also the best friend of that Roy guy who took you home on two occasions, right? He's that guy you keep mentioning eveytime you got home wrecked, but happy, and the one you always tell me about, am I getting this right?"

"Yeah, that Syaoran, but I didn't mean what I said. How could I miss him? I'm actually happy now that he doesn't care about me, no more torture, no more everything."

"And you're being defensive why?" She smiled at me like she's pointing out something that I wasn't able to see.

"I don't know, maybe because… maybe because" then I started to cry, I don't know how to finish my sentence anymore, my mom just hugged me, and comfort me without saying anything.

Knock… Knock…

"Come in, you don't mind right dear?" My mom said

"Oh sweet heart, who made you cry?" My dad asked me like I was his little girl.

"No one dad, I'm just stupid! Stupid for not figuring everything out, until now"

"Does that Syaoran kid have something to do with this?"

"Depends on how you put it, I guess?" I answered unsure. I don't know what to think and do anymore

"Mom, dad, there's this other thing, Tomoyo's distant with me, and I don't why or how it happened"

"Dear, maybe she's still disappointed with what you've done" My mom guessed

"Or maybe sweet heart, that she can't believe you did that without telling her, she felt left out"

"But I wasn't trying to leave her out. I just kept that plot a secret because I know she won't like it one bit"

"Maybe, that's why, you've already guessed how she's going to react but you set it aside because of pride"

"But mom… dad… I just don't know what to do anymore" I cried more, there was nothing else to do anyway, I've already pour some out why not let it all out.

"Hey, sis, someone's looking for you" When I look at the door, I cried a lot more and hugged her

"Tomoyo, I'm so sorry. I really do, please forgive me"

"Oh Kura, I missed so much, I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you, I was just pissed off with what you did with him. And then I got carried away. I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry too. Let's not fight again, promise me no more fights"

"No more fights"

"I think we should leave them alone for a while." My dad said to my mom.

"Tomoyo, can you do me a little favor? Get her back to her senses" My mom said smiling like there a secret message being passed on to Tomoyo that I don't know of.

"You can count me on that" Tomoyo answered proudly, which I really didn't get. I wonder what they're talking about.

"Girl, I think it's time for you to be honest in your feelings."

"What do you mean? I am honest"

"Girl, it's been over a month since he stopped talking with you, and all you could do is that" Pointing out that all I do is mop around and do nothing

"That's not all that I did, I tried logging on again trying to find someone to talk with, since you're too busy to notice me anyways."

"And what happened?"

"I thought at first I was looking for cyber dude, and then later on, I'm looking for you and for Syaoran. I don't know what's happening to me Tomoyo all I think about is the good time I'm having because he was there, even though most of the time he makes fun of me, at least he takes notice of me. And I like that, I missed that so much!" I cried a little harder.

It's true, I'm missing him more and more and I can't deny it anymore. I'm starting to like him. I'm beginning to think that it was him whom I like and not Rui.

"Then tell him that"

"Tomoyo!" I tried to protest

"I'm serious, and with the way he acted around you, I can see that he likes you too, and the only way for you to notice him is by torturing you, that's why he kept on doing those things to you." She assured me that the feeling might be mutual but I can't think straight it's just not right. Besides, what's there to like about me? I'm just a stupid girl who doesn't know anything in her life.

_Dear Diary,_

_Tomoyo said I should be honest with what I feel about Syaoran, but I don't know maybe I'm just feeling this right now because I got used to the feeling that he was always there, through my ups and downs, and then suddenly he's not anymore. It's near our summer break, and I don't think I'll be getting any more chances to speak with him the next school year. I think this feeling should be just buried deep down to the ground, where no one else can know about. It's not worth it anyways. I'll just have to move on like what I did with cyber dude._

_Or maybe Tomoyo's right. Mom and dad said it too. It's about time to be honest. Honest with what I feel about him, and honest about everything. It's about time to face the music. Yeah that's it. _

"Wish me luck mom." Trying to boost my energy to this day

"Good luck! Remember tell him everything there is to tell"

"Yup, thanks mom, bye"

I believe this is going to be a great day! I'll walk up to him and say that I'm sorry, then hope that everything's going to be alright. I know this will be a good day. Tomoyo assured me that there's this slight possibility that he likes me too. *Sigh* who am I kidding; I'm just putting my hopes up. There's no chance at all that he'll like someone like me.

Here goes nothing! Good luck Kuraerine! You can do this! (Smiling brightly) he's early; I can finally talk with him, without interference.

"Hi Syaoran." Trying to start a conversation

"I would just like to apologize for everything that I've done" Still going forward, I won't back down from his cold shoulder approach

"If you don't want to talk with me you could just tell me to stop, I won't fo--"

"Just shut up! I'm not in the mood to speak with someone like you" Rude much!

"Look, I'm just saying I'm sorry"

"If I have to accept that for you to shut up then you're forgiven just leave me alone" Looking at me sternly

"I'm sorry, again" I better stop talking; he'll never forgive me, especially now I made him angrier.

I seat here beside him with nothing to do, but to think and glance his way every now and then. I think he's into a lot of trouble, I wished I could help him. Then I remembered my mom putting some chocolates in my bag, for good luck.

"Here, take it" Offering a bar of chocolates

"Huh?" He looked at me with raised brows

"My mom used to tell me that a little sweet can boost your happiness, I may not know what you're going through right now, but I hope this can help." Insisting him to take the chocolate from my hand; he slowly get it, but he just put it on his desk and said nothing more.

-16:00-

Cheer practice together with the team again. Thank goodness Tomoyo's here; somehow my spirit is lifted up. I tried multiple attempts in trying to make peace with him, but all tries was futile. I'm starting to give up on this, tomorrow's Saturday, the start of summer break. It'll be more difficult to approach him during practice over the break, this is my last chance.

"Stop day dreaming! Focus Kuraerine focus!" The head cheer dancer said.

"Sorry… Won't happen again"

"Let's have a five-minute break, and I hope you'll get your focus by then"

"I'm sorry, really." Here comes Rui, giving something to Syaoran and goes right away. Maybe I can ask him how to approach Syaoran. So I ran after him. I'm surely going to be deaf later when that head cheer dancer of ours screams the hell out of me

"Rui, wait up! Rui" I tried to catch up to him

"What do you want? Go away!" He said, not stopping

"Please, I beg of you, I need to ask you something." Then he finally stopped and looked back

"I'm really sorry about what I did to Syaoran, and I'm willing to do anything for him to forgive me"

"Then, just let it go sooner or later it wouldn't matter to him anymore"

"B-But…" I sigh defeat.

"Here, you think something on your own." Handing me a piece of paper. When I looked at it, it didn't make sense, it was an address. Nothing more is written, just an address.

_Dear Diary,_

_I tried everything there is to try, the cheer practice finished early because I couldn't get myself to focus. I tried waiting for his practice to finish but the moment it was done he was nowhere to be found. I let Tomoyo see the note Rui gave me earlier, she too was confused, but being a friend she put my hopes up again, and said that maybe it's their address, that he's telling me to go to their house and apologize personally. But he also said I have to think something up, what's that about? Is he telling me to do something, or make something, as in peace offering? I'm so confused and tired I'll just get a shut eye. I give up. Nothing more is to be done. I really lost it; Syaoran's never going to notice me again. That's the end of it, and I should just move on._

_But really, I can't get my mind off that address. Is it really their address? But Rui hates me, why would he give me their address? And why would he help me with Syaoran, he's protecting him from me. Oh good Lord, what am I to do? Please give me a sign? Any sign at all._

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_hope you enjoyed reading it. (",) all kinds of reviews are very much welcome, might be criticisms, suggestions and comments... thank you and God bless.  
_


	9. Chapter 8

Here's chapter 8 as promised...

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**Chapter 8: Meeting you again for the second time around**

Ding… Dong…

"Hi" A lady in her mid-forties cheerfully said to me, "Who are you looking for?"

"I umm… looking for Syaoran, is he there?"

"Oh! That's a first, come on in"

"Thank you" I said while following her, to their living room I guess.

Woah! They have a nice garden. Their gardener seems nice I guess, since he's talking with those roses.

"Mom, I'm going now" Someone from inside said I guess, I was so interested with what the gardener is doing than to mind what was happening elsewhere.

"And where do you think you're going young man? You promised me you'll do grocery shopping today"

"Mom, I'm going to a council meeting. Why don't you ask that sissy who's talking with the plants"

"Hey! I heard that!"

"And I'm just kidding. Bye mom!"

"I'll just take a shower, list down all the things you need then I'm on my way."

"Okay, b-but." She eyed me worriedly. I guessed they're just too busy to even notice they have guest.

"Sorry about that, why don't you sit down for a while and wait for Syaoran?"

"Huh? But I thought he was the one who left?"

"Oh that's Rui, he hates grocery shopping and usually avoids it like this"

"Then, Syaoran was the one attending to your roses?" I can't believe this. I always thought that Rui was the perfect son, and Syaoran was the black sheep, its how they looked like at school.

"Oh their not my roses, that's his garden. You may find this weird, but that boy has a soft heart."

I felt that my jaw dropped the moment she said he had a soft heart. And what's with his garden?

"I'm guessing you don't know much about Syaoran, am I right?"

"Yes ma'am, actually I'm here to apologize for what I did to him over a month ago. I was the one who accused him cheating" I never felt this ashamed in my entire life. Admitting my mistake to his mom was a bit embarrassing and threatening, especially now that I'm at their house, she can easily kick me out. I know it was a bold move, but it's a move I have to make, for this guilt to finally go away. And she was just there staring and smiling at me without saying anything more.

"I'm sorry, I'm really am, it was meant to be a prank b-but…"

"I know. You don't have to tell me anything, Syaoran tells me everything, he never keeps any secret from me. Admitting your mistake to me is a bold move, I admire you for that. What was your name again? Is it Kury or Saki?"

"It's Sakura, ma'am"

"Stop calling me ma'am, I'm not a teacher. Wait here for a while okay? I'll just get you a drink."

"T-Thank you, Mrs. Li"

She went away, and I was stuck there with nothing to do. I don't know if I have to be behaved or I can move around. Sitting here in their living room, I can glance to their garden, and it amazes me. If what she's telling me is true, then he's quite a green thumb. I won't be able to plant and create something this wonderful. Everything seems perfect, each flower and shrubs are in their desirable place. It was simply breath taking.

"Have a drink, if you want you can look around."

Ring… Ring…

"I'm sorry, I'll get that phone, feel at home." Then she left me there again, mesmerizing the beauty in front of me. If this is really his art, then surely he just didn't have a soft heart, but a heart of gold.

"What are you doing here?! Who let you in?" Asking me in his blazing voice

"I-I…" I was completely blank. Looking at him like this, fresh from shower, wearing a long sleeves white top that goes well with his faded jeans, and his frameless glasses that hides his brown eyes.

"What? You're just going to stare at me like that" Snapping his finger in front of me that bring me back to reality.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare, it's just that it's the first time I see like that. I didn't know you had glasses, I never saw you with one."

"Ever heard of the invention called contact lens? Dummy!"

"Syaoran! It's not nice to call someone dummy. He's practically blind without them, he just didn't want to look like Rui so when Rui had his glasses, he stopped wearing one and switched to contact lenses"

"*Sigh* Mom, you shouldn't have told her that"

"I was merely saying the truth." They sound like their best friends, they can just say anything. I like that.

"Why'd you even let her in?"

"Because she looked nice, and she's the first visitor you have."

"She's not nice mom, she was the one I was telling you about, the one responsible for my suspension" He emphasize on the last part, which gave me the hint that it's time to go home.

"I'm sorry to barge in to you like this, I just want to give you this peace offering, I'm going now" Handing my peace offering, which I don't know if he'll accept.

"If that's not chocolate crinkles then it's a waste of your time, where's--"

"Really?" I started to smile brightly. "Its chocolate crinkles, it's also freshly baked. I baked it this morning before I got here."

"You baked it?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night, so I started looking for my old recipe book, and baked you my favorite cookie, hoping it'll do the trick."

"It's your favorite cookie? Then it's not my favorite anymore you can just bring than back home."

"Syaoran!" His mom eyed him for a while, and then he suddenly nodded.

"Thank you, I'll just leave it here for a while. So where's the list mom?"

"Here, and don't buy anything that's not on the list." She handed a small piece of paper, and warned him. If I were in his shoes I'll be scared like a baby. His mom could be scary. I wonder what he did last time he was asked to buy groceries.

"You!" He pointed at me "Come with me, you wouldn't mind right?"

"Yeah, of course I don't mind."

"Be careful, and Kury please make sure he buys only what is listed."

"Don't worry Mrs. Li; I'll make sure he'll only buy what is listed"

"Just come on, don't side with that woman"

"Syaoran, be careful with your glasses okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I know mom. No need to worry about me anymore."

I was surprised we didn't ride his bike. Maybe it's still broken, or maybe because he's worried about me? Nah! The latter thought wouldn't be true. Since we met earlier until now that we're walking to the grocery store, he's still not talking with me. He seems to just not care about my presence.

"We're here, take the list, we'll buy the things needed according to the order in which their written."

"Okay, our first stop is the dairy section." That's why we didn't take his bike, it'll be a waste on gas, its just a 15-minute walk away.

"Why are you so quiet, you usually have something to say?"

"Because I don't know what I should say to you"

"Why is that?"

"Well for one, you're still not accepting my apology, and second you seem to not care about my presence"

"That's not true; I've accepted your apologies earlier remember?"

"I'm not talking about the cookies; I'm talking about you forgiving me."

"I already forgave you even before you brought me those cookies."

"Then why are you still ignoring me?"

"Because it's the best thing to do to forget about you"

"Why would you want to forget about me?"

"Because you hate me, and I don't want to force myself to you."

"What? I'm getting lost. What are you talking about?"

"You still don't get it don't you? I like you, a lot actually"

Then my mind went blank. Did he just say what I think he said? Did he just say he like me, a lot? Then what are all those tortures and those… Then, Janna was right all along? Those treatments were simply a way to get close to me?

""What's next?"

"Huh? What, What's next?"

"What's next on the list?"

"Oh, in the frozen food section"

"What's going on in your mind right now, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Nothing. If you would to see a bubble thought of mine, all you'll see is lots and lots of dots."

He laughed, like I'm something very funny. Hearing his laugh again, made me remember the guy I bumped into more than a year ago. He looked exactly like him. It might be him, and I just messed it up when Rui came into the picture. All this time, I liked him and not Rui. I laughed at myself.

"What's so funny?"

"You and your garden" I just made something up

"And what's so funny about that?" He raised his brow

"Well seeing you as a tough guy, and finding out that you have a secret garden make me think twice about you." I smiled proudly at him.

"Well, it's my mother's frustration to have her own garden but she was not blessed with a green thumb, so I made her frustrations come true."

"That's sweet of you." I think I'm falling for him the second time around, knowing him in a different view

"Thanks, but it wasn't that much appreciated at home, my dad and brothers think less of me for doing that. My dad usually asks me if I was a sissy."

"So you made that tough guy approach so your dad wouldn't look at you like you're a sissy."

"Precisely the point, so how do I score?"

"Excuse me?"

"How do I score? In your scoring sheet, I mean"

"Scoring sheet?" Okay he's losing me. What scoring sheet is he talking about?

"Oh! You're not like those girls my brothers dated. Sorry. I just thought every girl has that"

"What is that anyway? You got me intrigue so explain it to me."

"My brother told me that all girls have this kind of scoring sheet, wherein they usually score guys they're dating. If you score 1 you're a loser and if you score 5 you're a so-so and higher that means you might have a chance on that girl you like."

"Ok-ay! That's seems so low. If I would to score you, I would like to compare with Gerry, Alex, and with Ivan. And maybe sometime soon I'll also add Jack on the list."

"Who are those? Your ex-boyfriends?"

"I never had a boyfriend before; those were the lead males in Cecelia Ahern's book."

"Oh! I thought… Never mind, so what's next on the list?"

"In the Hygiene section, you thought I dated a lot of guys before, don't you?"

"Well yeah, who wouldn't you're gorgeous, and adorably cute."

"Thank you for the compliment, but I'm not easy" Trying to make fun of our current situation right now.

"And that's another point why I like you"

"Syaoran, stop playing me okay, I might take it seriously." Then he stops dead on his tracks. I eyed him for a while trying to search to answer in him, then I saw that look again. My eyes widen a bit, and then it hit me, he was serious.

"Oh my gosh! Don't tell me you're serious"

"Well, I am. I really like you a lot, that sometimes I'm already thinking that I love you."

"B-But why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Why me, of the entire beautiful girl at school why choose me?"

"Because you're different, I liked you the moment you bumped on me that day at the mall. I started liking you more that I even pretended to be Rui just to talk with you. I like you all the more when we had that bonding moment, even just for a while you talked with me, smiled at me, and it was me you're seeing not Rui. That's when I stopped using those glasses, that's identical with Rui."

"You! You were that nice Rui?"

"Well yeah! If you still haven't notice yet Rui is a bit rude, he's not what he looks like at school"

"You're not just saying these so I would hate Rui and start liking you, are you?"

"No, but if that's the case then maybe yes." He smiled proudly at me

"Well, it's not working."

"What's the next thing on the list?"

"The next is… I can't understand this, you read it."

"Buy something for her… So what do you like?"

"Like what?"

"The last thing on my mom's list is for you, she's telling me to buy you something, and so what do you want?"

"Nothing, I don't need anything from the grocery"

"Hmm… I'll just buy something, and then we're off"

"Hey! Your mom specifically told me to watch you and don't let you off the hook"

"Well you don't want something, so I'll just buy what I want"

"What was it that you did, that your mom wants me to watch you"

He smiled proudly and said "I buy seeds, using her money, to save mine"

"Oh! I know what I want. I want a carnation seed, plant me that flower will you?"

"If that'll give me your yes, then why not."

"Never mind, I'll just tell your mom you didn't follow what was written, then maybe she'll cut some bucks from your allowance."

"She can't do that"

"Sure, she can, she's in charge"

"She really can't do that, since I don't have an allowance."

"What do you mean?"

"I have a part time job, so I earn what I spend, that's why when I buy something together with her grocery she bites my head off, always reminding me I can ask for it, and I don't need to hide it from her. And I always protest, because I don't want to ask anything from them, since I can handle everything on m y own. I'm just not used to asking."

"Oh! Then buy what you want, I'll just say that it was my idea."

"Then I'll buy that carnation seed" He smiled like a cute little boy.

"Thank you"

"You're very much welcome, but there's a catch"

"And what would that be?"

"You have to let me walk you home"

"I'd like that."

Spending time with him like this make my heart jumps with joy. I never knew spending time with a guy would be this much fun. This is much more fun than those bickering moments we had at school. I hope this day never stops.

"You're spacing out again"

"Oh, sorry"

"Is that a hobby of yours or you're just thinking a lot about what I said?"

"I can't stop thinking about what you've said. I feel like I'm in cloud nine. I just don't know what to think anymore. A part of me tells me to stop and think, because all this maybe a joke, but a part of me also tells me to trust you and go on with the flow. I don't know what part to follow. If this is a joke to you, please I want it to stop. I don't want this. I don't want to get hurt."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you, I promise to take it slow. I won't force you in anything that you don't want."

"Please Syaoran; if this is just a dream, I want to wake up"

"Please don't be like that; this is neither a dream nor a joke. I really like you and I'm willing to wait and to take this one step at a time."

"You honestly want me to believe that? You practically hate me--"

Oh my gosh! He's hugging me. This can't be a joke, probably not playing me also. He's not an actor to fake all this emotions. This might be true, Janna was right. Mom must also had this hint; this might be that secret message their passing around that night.

"Mi-Syaoran--"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't able to control myself, I just wanted to hug you to shut you up and make you believe that I really like you."

He really does like me a lot. In the movies it wouldn't be a hug, but based on those leading man in my favorite books this is exactly how it will go. I started to cry because of this overwhelming happiness.

"H-Hey, don't cry, I-I…"

"I'm just happy, because you're telling the truth. I felt it with your hug. Thank you."

"*Sigh* you made me worried."

"Well, this is home; I'm going in, you should be careful on your way home"

"I'll call the moment, I got home."

"I'd like that, thank you again"

"You're always welcome, rest well, you had a long day"

"Be careful, and don't let your glasses fall. You should really fix that you know"

"Next time, when I get my paycheck"

"Alright, just let it hang in there okay? Bye"

"Bye!" I think I have a boyfriend. So this is what Janna was feeling all the time. The hard goodbye, she said. *Laugh* But I want to take this slow; we'll take it slow together. I just hope that this is really true and not some laugh he'll be having later on.

"So what happened?"

"Nothing" I tried to avoid my mom's stare

"Dad, Kura's hiding something from me. Our little girl is finally becoming a woman"

"Mom, don't exaggerate it. He just told me he like me"

"Did you tell him you like him too?"

"No, because I'm still not sure, I want to take it slow, he promised me he'll wait and take this one step at a time."

"That's good to hear, you're still young, I don't want you to become a woman just yet, I'm not yet ready"

*Sigh* my mom's being melodramatic. It's just dating, not getting married, they're too much. I think I have to get a shut eye. They're becoming insane with the idea of me dating. *Laugh* I'm so proud of having parents like them, who'll be at my back all the time, and who understands me like we're best friends. I hope Syaoran will also get along with them, that'll be nice to see, the one I like being close with my family. I'll wait for that moment to come.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today's a bizarre day, but a great day indeed. I wasn't expecting anything at all when I went there earlier, and then all this happened. Janna was right when she told me that goodbyes are hard especially if you like that person. Now I finally understood why they never said goodbye to each other. After a few minutes of shut eye, I was all energize again, that I even had the strength to chat with him on the phone for quite a while, that eventually made Janna angry, because it was supposed to be our phone night time, but I explained it to her, I just hope she's okay with it. Anyways tomorrow's a new day, and I can't wait. He promised me that he'll fetch me and bring me home safely everyday during practice, as long as the time does not have any conflict with his practice and work._

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_hope you enjoyed reading it. All kinds of reviews are very much welcome might be criticisms, suggestions or comments. thanks and God bless  
_


	10. Chapter 9

Here's chapter 9 sorry for the late update I've been busy with something unexpected.... I know you'll hate me for this chapter... so I'll take this opportunity to say that I'll be gone for two weeks, I'll be out of town this week and the following week I have important business to attend to because my grandmother is to undergo surgery so I'll be busy minding the business sorry....

Thanks lhaine07, James Birdsong, and Timeless Eclipse for the reviews... (",) this chapter will be somewhat unexpected, i hope you'll still like it...

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**Chapter 9: Are we dating or we're just friends?**

"Good morning sleepy-head"

I heard someone greeted me, when I went to the kitchen for a drink. I was still groggy to even care who it was. When I heard it again, "Good morning sleepy-head, are you sleep-walking or something? Your practice starts in an hour, are you going or should I tell them you're not feeling well?"

"Huh?" I looked over for the voice.

Syaoran? What is he doing here? It's still too early for our practice, and I don't remember him telling me that he'll spent the time here, before going to practice in the afternoon.

"Dear, are you alright?" I heard my mom said out of the corner, and looked at her wondering why

"Yeah, I'm okay mom. Syaoran, aren't you a bit early? You told me you'd be here by three; it's just eleven in the morning."

"It's already three in the afternoon. So are you going to practice or not?"

"It couldn't be three, I just finished my book a moment ago, and the last time I checked my clock it is still eleven o'clock."

"Maybe you fell asleep? Why don't you check the clock again?"

My eyes widen at the sight of the time. Its ten minutes pass three. Oh no! I'm going to be late, captain will kill me. Why am I still doing here, I have to hurry up. Oh no! And I'm still not ready.

"I brought my bike, so take all the time you need." He smiled assuring me that I have all the time I need to get ready.

If I didn't know any better, I'll think that he's a mind reader. I should act quickly or else, he'll be late with me, and I'll be dead by captain's rage. She'll surely bite my head off this time.

-After 15 minutes-

"Well that was fast; I didn't expect you to finish right away. Tori was right, when she told me you're not like those typical ladies."

"We're going to be late, what'd you expect?"

"Let's go then? We'll be going now, thanks for the hospitality Mrs. Kinomoto."

"Bye mom, we'd be going now."

I wonder how it feels like to ride at his bike. It'll be the first time to ride a bike, thank goodness my mom allowed me to even ride it with him.

"Here wear it." Handing me a red helmet

"I don't want to wear it, it'll ruin my hair"

"It's either you let your hair be ruined or we're not riding this bike"

"You can't make me! Hmp! I had a hard time fixing my hair, and I won't fix it again, especially when we're already late." I think I made myself clear. I don't care if we're late, I still won't wear that.

Where is he going now? We're already late. "Hey, what are you doing?""

"I'm going to ask your mom if I can leave my bike here for a while"

"Why? We're already late. We have to go now and the fastest way to school is using your bike."

"We have a lot of time still. I adjusted the time so you'd hurry up, with your mom's permission of course."

"Syaoran! Why did you do that? Argh! I could have done my things more proper, I wouldn't have to fix my things in such haste like that if I knew what you did. Argh!"

"Oh, hi Mrs. Kinomoto, I would like to ask if I may leave my bike here for a while"

"I thought, you're going to ride it to school, you ask my permission for Kura right?"

"Well she didn't want to wear the helmet, and as promised your daughter's safety comes first."

"Then sure you can, go on now, or you'll be late."

"Thank you again, I'll pick it up later when I walk Sakura home."

"Be careful on your way, okay? I'll be looking at your bike from time to time."

"Come on now, Sakura or we'll be late" he said while getting our things from his bike.

"I thought we still have time. Didn't you just say that earlier?"

"Let's just go, can we?" He said, while handing me my bag.

Why is he leaving mine? Tomoyo told me that normally when guys like a girl they usually treat them like a princess. I often see Matsuko carrying her bag, and as well as her shopping bags, which made me like him, even though I felt like he's taking Tomoyo away from me. So why is he like this to me? And what about that bike issue? Why is he acting like that?

"Sorry"

"For what?" I said in a rather angry tone.

"Sorry to make you walk. I promised your mom that your safety comes first, so I won't allow it to let you ride my bike without a helmet."

So, he's just trying to protect me. I shouldn't be angry about it then. What about my bag then, why didn't he take it and carried it with his. I thought he like me a lot to actually be my boyfriend, in some sort of way. I know we'll take this slow, but…

"Can I know what you're thinking? You're spacing out again"

"I'm just wondering why you didn't take my bag."

"Should I?" What kind of question is that? Of course!

"Well, yeah! Didn't you say you like me? Aren't you going to make me impress by carrying my bag or treating me like a princess for that matter?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you're expecting me to do but, I like to take things slow. Slow in the literal sense slow."

"What are you talking about? We are taking it slow, right?"

"Taking it slow meant befriending you only. I know I said I like you a lot but I'm not yet ready to commit myself to you. You see, I'm already committed to a promise."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the first girl that I ever liked. I know this is like, but love? I still don't know. If this feeling would go somewhere, I would like it to grow or die on its own. When I said I like you yesterday, I really meant it, but not in a way that you're thinking right now. I don't want to be your boyfriend; I would just like us to be friends. I know it's hard to understand but please, let me explain it to you properly."

How did it end up like this? How did this happen? I thought we're already a couple in some sort of a way, but why is he backing out?

"You're losing me; I'm not getting to where you're going at."

"I don't want be like my brothers, who date a lot, and regretted it afterwards. I like you a lot to even risk you getting hurt. If we're just friends, it'll be safer that way, I can't hurt you and we'll grow more individually."

"Why are you backing out all of a sudden?"

"I'm not backing out. I'm just saying that I don't want to rush things between us, because I know that we'll only hurt each other in the process."

"So you're simply telling me that you want to end this relationship before it even started, just for us not to get hurt? Isn't relationship supposed to be like that? Pain is always together with love. A friend of mine used to tell me, that you'll only know that you've fallen in-love if you get yourself hurt."

"Are you willing to hurt yourself and that other person, so that you can say that you're in-love?"

"It's worth the pain, to know that you can love someone aside from yourself and your family."

"Isn't love shown in care? You can know that you loved even without getting hurt by caring for someone deeply."

"Caring for someone isn't enough to say that you're in-love."

"So you'd rather hurt yourself to know this feeling so unexplainable inside you, just so you can say what it is, that you've fallen in-love. Is it all worth it, to be hurt and hurt someone in the process just for that? Well, okay. I get it now. I have to say I'm sorry, I can't be that man you're expecting me to be."

"Fine! Suit yourself, you're not my lost."

"Let's just talk about this later, Tomoyo's coming this way. I'm really not in the mood to talk about this anymore, see you after practice."

"I don't know if I even want to continue this talk, bye"

"Bye, be careful on your practice okay?"

I felt my world just came crumbling down at me. *Sigh* what is he thinking? I should've know yesterday was just a dream. He is really one of the biker kids. We weren't even able to formalize our relationship and here we are having our first fight. Now I understand Tomoyo more, when she came crying to me every time she and Jeremy got into a fight. It's too hard, too distracting and I don't know what to do. And what does he mean when he said he's not ready to commit to me, and that he's committed. I can't believe I let him play me like this *sigh* what a mess I'm in. And I can't turn back time to fix it. *Sigh*

-18:30, after cheer practice-

"Hey girl, tell me what's wrong"

"What makes you think something's wrong"

"You looked all gloomy and you spaced out a lot during practice. The captain's practically biting your head off."

"Its Syaoran, I think we're having our first fight since we started dating. I think."

"You two are dating, since when? Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Since yesterday, but then all of a sudden he's different."

"What? How?"

"I went to their house yesterday to apologize for what I did, when his mom asks him to do their groceries and he made me come with him. He told me he like me and promised me to make things slow, but everything suddenly changed. He even said that he didn't tell me he like me so we can be a couple"

"Huh? But I thought you said that he said he liked you, so where is this coming from?"

"That's what I thought too. I just don't know what to think anymore. He said something like he's not ready to commit to me, that he only wants to befriend me and that he's already committed."

"And what else did he said?"

"He also said that he didn't want to hurt me, and that is why we shouldn't be in a relationship. What kind of a guy would say that he likes a girl but didn't want to be in a relationship?"

"A guy who's committed to someone else"

"What are you saying? He's playing fire by dating me?"

"Do you remember my first I-thought-my-boyfriend, remember that guy?"

"Yeah, you told me he backed out the moment you gave him your yes"

"According to your story, Syaoran sounds like him. That guy was already committed and believe it or not, he wants his first relationship to be his last, maybe Syaoran is also like that."

"Then what do I do?"

"If I were you, just bury those feelings and go on with your life, he's not worth your time girl."

"Then thank God she isn't you" someone from the background said, and when we looked back--

"Sorry Tomoyo, but I have to steal Sakura from you, I owe her an explanation" Syaoran!

"Hey! What do you think you're doing with my friend? Do you think she's like those girls you play with?"

"I don't play with girls. And I'm not playing your friend, I'm serious about her."

"Yeah right! If you're anywhere near serious, she wouldn't be in such a state right now. Tell me something, are you playing with fire just by dating with her?"

"I'm already committed. Somewhat like that I think, but I wouldn't use that term you used."

"Save your explanation pal, we're not going to hear it out. Let's go Kura"

"Tomoyo, please, can you just let us talk?"

"No! You're not going near my friend again!" She said while dragging me out of his sight. *Sigh*

-At home-

I feel like crying my heart out. Remembering what happened earlier like my brain stopped functioning normally and just keep on rewinding the scene over and over again. Tomoyo was right then, he is playing with fire by dating me. I just can't believe it; he played me just like that. He's already committed. How dare he say that he likes me? But I can't believe more how stupid I can get to even fall for that. And crying like this when we only started dating yesterday, or so I thought.

"Dear, are you alright?" My mom ask, as she walk in my room

"I'm alright mom, no need to worry about me"

"Dear, you're not alright. And I know just who you need to talk with to fix this. Syaoran's here, he needs to tell you something."

"Mom! You're supposed to be at my side, why'd you let him in?"

"Because he told me everything"

"Did he also tell you that he's already committed, and he's playing around?"

"It's not like that dear just hear him out, please?"

"Why?"

"You need to know why, and who."

"I need to tell you who I'm committed with, and everything that goes with it."

"I'll leave you two alone"

"If you permit, I'll wait for her in the living room."

"And what's wrong here in my room?"

"I just can't, I'm sorry"

"See he's a good kid, just let him explain, please for me?"

"Fine, I'll go." Why is my mom on his side, when she's supposed to be on my side?

-At the living room-

"If you have something to say, say it fast, I don't have all night!"

"I want to show you something" Handing me a necklace. It's a cross with a ring between it. I wonder how the ring got stuck there.

"It's a commitment ring. It's to remind us that we're committed with the Lord, our Savior Jesus Christ."

"And you're telling me this why?"

"I'm committed with the Lord. And being committed to Him means I can't date like those guys who play around. When I told you that I like you, I was really honest and wasn't thinking. I know I shouldn't have said that, especially when you don't know where I'm coming from. I'm sorry to mislead you like this. I really like you a lot, but I already made a promise, to be in a relationship if I'm ready to commit, and commit means marriage. I don't want to be like my brothers who date girls a lot, and make them cry and such; I like to be like my mom. Her first relationship was her last."

"Well then, if that's the case, let's end this right here right now; I'm not ready for marriage."

"So am I. That's why I'm telling you that I like to take things slow, that I only intend to befriend you. I'm sorry if I made you cry like this by my wrong move yesterday. I would just like to fix things by saying that I believe that there is someone out there for every one of us that is being readied and mold by Him, and when His time comes He will give us that person. If that would be you, whom I prayed it to be, I would be more than happy because I know in His time everything will fall into their right place. But, if it's not you, then I pray that my feelings for you to be gone that I may stop distracting God's plans for you."

"Why are you telling me this? What do you mean?"

"I meant that I can't date you, I can only befriend you like it's supposed to."

"Supposed to?"

"*Sigh* I really like to explain everything to you all at once but I know I can't so I'm lending you this, since you're a bookworm it'll be more easier for you to understand everything if you would read it"

I raised my brow looking at the book.

"I'll be going now, please promise me you'll read it"

"I don't like this kind of books"

"I know, but please? For you to understand me, please read it"

"I'll think about it, just go away!" I said pushing him to the door

"I'm leaving no need to push me away."

Hmm… Passion and Purity huh? What an interesting title, but not that catchy enough to get my attention. Besides, why do I have to read it anyways? He also won't know if I read it or not, so why bother? I won't read this, definitely not.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is one of those days when I wished I just didn't wake up. Yesterday was a beautiful dream, and I just had to wake up to find out that everything's a nightmare. Then there's this book that I can't stop thinking about. Why would he give me this book to read? And it looked so old, where did he get this, and why this book it particular anyways? Then mom here is backing him up instead of being behind me supporting me in every way that she can, which makes me intrigued, but I no longer asked her why? I was so upset with her, that I didn't even say good night to her as I always do. Looking back again to the book, for the nth time. I think I'll go read it. It might turn out good, I hope._

_Who's Yelan? Is she related to Syaoran, or is she his ex? I'll have to ask him about her. Committed to Christ, he said! Ha! Who are you fooling? You're a gangster, and you tell me you're committed to Christ, what a joke!_

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_hope you enjoyed it even though it wasn't as expected. All kinds of reviews are very much welcome might be criticisms, suggestions or comments._

_thanks and God bless... see you all again after two-weeks I promised to upload two chapters for my comeback.  
_


	11. Chapter 10

Sorry for the super late update, it took me longer than expected because I was too busy managing the store and reviewing for the exam i just had a few days back sorry. Truly sorry..

Well here's chapter 10 hope you like it.

**Chapter 10: Why do I feel like I'm changing?**

It has been a week now since I started reading the book. How pathetic! I can't read the book, I tried reading it then suddenly my mind would just blank out. It's already a week and I'm still not finished with it, it's unlike me to take this much time on one single book. Then there's this mind boggling questions that keep on buzzing in and out of my mind each time I read a few paragraphs in the book. Like for example, why does the author keeps on repeating the need to commit to Christ and something like why it's important to let Him be the one in-charge, when in fact it's her life! Then there's these few notes written all over the book! Argh! The notes are distracting and confusing at the same time. Whose book is this anyways? Why did Syaoran even lend me this book in the first place? I want answers from all this but who would I turn to? I'm still disappointed with my mom; I can't talk with Tomoyo about this, certainly not Syaoran, Tori and my dad for a matter-of-fact. Who would I turn to? Every time I start to read a few more lines, a few more verses my questions grew and grew, and I'm feeling like a prisoner trying to escape but I couldn't. I don't know what to do anymore, with all these questions. Oh God! What did I ever do to deserve this? Wait! Did I just call out to God? What's wrong with me? *Chuckles* this book is really making me crazier every minute that passes.

"You space out a lot lately, is the book bothering you that much?" I heard someone said out of the blue

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Looking who it was

"I was wondering why you space out a lot lately"

"It's none of your business you know?" I said rather rude to make my point, I don't want to talk with him.

It has also been a week since I last spoke with him. Tomoyo told me that he use to glance my way every time he had the chance to look at me during their breaks. Not that I care about it. Its—

"See, you're spacing out again"

"No I'm not! And what is it to you anyways?"

"Nothing, I was just curious." Yeah as if I would believe that. You've already cause me so much trouble, why are you making this hard for me anyways?

"Who's Yelan by the way?" I blurted out, "Not that I care but--"

"My mother." His mother? The owner of the book and those notes I hated is his mother?

"Oh!." I feel so ashamed asking about it *sigh*

"Sorry about those scribbles, I also did have a hard time reading it because of those. Though if you would read those little notes she wrote you'll find it hilarious, the struggles she had when my father started to take notice of her. Its just so funny!" He said laughing at his mom's expense.

"I didn't think it was hilarious, I thought it was puzzling. Like the book, my mind just stopped working the mo--" Oh my gosh! I slipped! Argh! That's stupid! How on ear—

"I thought you'd have a question or two, feel free to ask those to your most trusted person." He seems so proud of himself

"I would never give you the privilege of knowing what my questions are."

"I'm not talking about myself. Ask your mom, she can help you with that, or why don't you try to go to our church this coming Sunday, it'll be fun"

"No! And definitely no!" Then I left him to wonder why or something like that I hope

-Saturday night-

"Argh! I want to die!" Shouting my lungs out

Knock… Knock…

"Go away and let me die in peace!"

"Dear, you're not going to die just lying around the bed."

"What do you want mom? Go away! I'm still mad at you for siding with him that day"

"I didn't side with anyone, I was merely being fair"

"Fair to whom? To him?"

"No, I was being fair to the both of you. Can you let me in so we can talk properly?"

"No! You can't, leave me alone mom!"

"I know that you need someone to talk with, Syaoran told me all about it"

"Whatever it is, it's not true, so go away"

"I know it's about Elisabeth Elliot"

"About who?"

"Elisabeth Elliot, the author of the Passion and Purity, the one you're reading for over a week now"

"I'm not having trouble with it, thank you very much. Go away please?"

"Whether you like it or not I'm coming in, and you're telling me all about it"

My mom did have her way, which was partly my fault for not locking the door. "Now what?" I ask her rather annoy by the fact that she's here in my room without my permission.

"I'm waiting for you Kura, what do have to say?"

"I have nothing to say, so can you please go now?"

"I've been bothered for quite some time now, how you weren't able to finish that book in a day or two like those other books you love so much"

"Well, because it's not like those other books, where the love story is just simple and easy flowing."

"Perhaps because it's a true story? Or perhaps maybe you didn't want to believe it?"

"What are you getting at mom?"

"All I'm saying is that maybe you're resisting it, or you're just reading it for the heck of it, so all this questions started popping out of your head because deep down inside you're interested and you want to seek the truth."

"No… Why would I like this book? For starters, I don't admire how Elisabeth and Jim struggled because of their so-called commitment, its crap!"

"Because you prefer the love story written by Cecelia Ahern, because even though there's tragedy, in the end all the pain is worth it, am I right?"

"Well yeah! Who wouldn't? I skipped pages to find out if they ended up together only to be disappointed that Jim died after their first baby. It's all not worthwhile. The wait, the commitment they kept. All of it was for nothing."

"Maybe to you it was nothing but for them it was everything"

"How can it be everything when after all you've sacrifice for, in the end death will come between you?"

"Maybe because everything that had happened was just a beginning of something better"

"Like what? That she remarried, and has a happy ending with some other guy?"

"Might be. She did remarry two more times actually."

"How is that a good thing? Being married thrice"

"She has a happy life. She feels fulfilled because of God's grace, isn't that what everyone wished for? To be able to live a life fulfilled and happy?"

"*Laugh* you've got to be kidding me. Being married thrice and grieving twice is fulfillment for you?"

"Why are you always so skeptic? You used to have faith, what happened?"

"What happened mom is I woke up from that dream that you're still in. I'm not having this conversation again. Sorry mom I'm tired, just go away, and leave me alone in my despair."

"Kura, dear, you know I'm always here for you right? Ask me anything you want to know about their story. I've read her books and the journal of Jim Elliot; I believe I can answer your questions."

"Good night mom." I said while closing the door, and making sure I locked it this time.

It doesn't make sense at all. I have more questions now than before. 'You used to have faith, what happened?' I heard my mind replaying my mom's words. If only my mom knew the truth, I never did have faith. I was just going to church because she told me so, and when finally I have the freedom to choose whether I want to go or not I chose not to because I think its crap to believe in everything that was being said and done there. I mean who would believe those craps that Jesus was a god and a man at the same time that he died and after three days he raised from the dead? Come on! Be more realistic. No one can ever do that. And that means no man!

_Dear Diary,_

_Why do I feel like something in me was stirred by my own comment? I always believed that what you see is what you get. Unless I see God in my own two eyes I won't believe it. But then, why do reading this book, make me all this confused? Did I lose something within me? Did I made the wrong decision when I decided to give it a try, to find out why he was acting like that, and why it struck me when I saw that necklace of his. I too made that commitment before, to love Christ, but I was just forced to do that. Why is it hunting me like this? What did I do to even deserve this?_

-Sunday-

_Dear Diary,_

_This bizarre thing happened to me. I was sleeping soundly when I woke up like an alarm went off, and I just couldn't sleep anymore. Then this sudden urge to go with my mom to the church kept me moving without my mind permitting it. For that moment it felt like I was under some sort of spell where I felt like I'm a robot doing what my master commands of me. And so I got no choice but to pretend that I like to go to church. At first I thought, and make myself think that I was pretending, when in the middle of the service I suddenly felt the urge to raise my hand when the pastor ask 'who was having a difficulty with their faith?' My mom too was shocked with the sudden raising of hand. There I was ushered towards the end of the church, a small office, where I was told to wait. Then Syao's mom, Yelan Li, stood in front of me and asked me to fire up the questions. Then one by one I started to talk, ask, and even cried. I couldn't stop talking about my frustrations and struggles. Then the book, I started asking her about it, and bits by bits she answered me. And I couldn't stop myself from conversing with her, that I even started telling her of my past experience with this faith thing. Then the next thing I knew. I went to the nearby bookstore and bought a bible. A good start, I heard my mom said. And so my journey begins._

_I want to try and read the book again and this time, no resistance just understanding, and analyzing it with the help of my new-bought bible. This time I believe I'd not only understand Syao but I'll get to understand this faith my mom and a few others are committed to. Just like how I used to._

_hope you like it... all kinds of reviews are very much welcome, might be criticisms or comments or suggestions. I'll post the next chapter a few minutes later...  
_


	12. Chapter 11

As promised. here's chapter 11 hope you like it

**Chapter 11: Is this a mistake or not?**

I think I made a mistake. It's too hard. It's been a week since I re-read the book with the aid of the Bible to understand where Elisabeth was coming from, and still I'm getting nowhere. I feel like I'm in a maze, trying to get out and trying to get free but all my efforts are being put to waste, because no matter how hard I try, no matter where I go I keep on coming back to where I started. Maybe, all this is just too much for me, or maybe this isn't really for me, maybe, just maybe this has got to end right here right now. I can't take too much of it anymore. I can't stop crying, and I'm still getting nowhere. I don't want it anymore. I give up!

Knock… Knock…

"Who is it?" I ask trying to sound normal.

"Dear, can I come in?" My mom asked sounding a little too worried.

"No." I replied.

"Dear, I'm worried about you. It's been a week since you stop joining us at dinner." My mom stated.

"I'm fine; just leave me alone, I'm busy."

"Do you prefer talking with Yelan? Would that make you feel any better?" I heard a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"No. I'm good." Keeping my cool

"Okay, if you said so. In case-"

"I told you I'm okay."

"Just in case you're not, I'm down stairs watching movie—waiting" Whispering the last word she said.

This is so pathetic. She's been doing this ever since Sunday night, when is she going to understand all my signals? I don't want to talk with her. I still hate her for what she did last week. She's supposed to be by my side, why is she helping Syao, who's not even her son! Argh!

Beep! Beep!

'If you don't want me to be your mom, I can be your friend, you know that right?' My mom texted me

Argh! She's just downstairs, she could have told me that a while ago, no need for her to text me.

'I'm watching Beauty and the Beast would you like to join me?' She texted again

'Aren't you too old to watch cartoons?' I replied back

'No, because this movie is for all ages' my mom reasoned

'Well, I don't want to, thanks'

'You used to love this film, I also prepared some popcorn; you still won't watch it with me?'

'No.'

Why do I feel like something in my stirred at my last short respond? I'm just saying no to my mom, what's there to be guilty about? If someone should be guilty it should be her, she betrayed me the moment I needed her the most. She wasn't at my back the time I trusted her to be. She's supposed to be siding with me, defending me with that jerk, but no! She side with him, reasoned out for him, defending him from me, when it's not supposed to be that way.

Beep… Beep…

'I left a bowl of popcorn outside your door, in case you want some.'

I slowly opened my door to see if she's still there, I didn't want to talk with her. True to her words there's a bowl of popcorn, and a note at my doorstep.

_I know you hate me for thinking that I betrayed you, but I did not. I tried to reason out for him hoping that by understanding him, you may understand me as well. I just didn't want you to get hurt by all those misunderstanding, that's why I let him in to talk with you. If that made you hate me I'm sorry._

I'm not dumb! I won't fall for that cheap trick! How dare she do this to me?

'Here comes you favorite part, where Belle is falling in love with the Beast.' She texted again, like I care!

'There may be something there that wasn't there before. You love that song right?'

"Argh! Why is she doing this to me? What have I ever done to her that she had the right to do this? I just rejected her for a--" And then it hit me. She's doing everything she can to reach out to be but I keep on shutting her off. These past few days, she's been doing everything she can that I might forgive her.

"Mom! Mom!" I shouted while I ran downstairs.

"Want some more popcorn?" She offered.

"No." I said running to her and hugged her. I just didn't know what to do and say anymore, I just cried my heart out.

"Cry it all out if that's the only way to ease the pain"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for rejecting you. I just feel so betrayed."

"I'm sorry if you see it that way."

"Why did you side with him? You were supposed to side with me. He played me and misled me."

"I didn't side with him. I just didn't want you to get hurt from a small misunderstanding that you though big of a deal."

"Mom! That was a big deal, he hurt me!"

"If I ask you right now, do you love him, are you sure of him, will you be able to answer me?"

"Love? I don't know, but I like him, a lot"

"You can't even answer me"

"Mom! We're still getting to know each other better"

"Precisely my point, he wants to get to know the real you, but you were expecting something else."

"Of course, we're dating"

"Did he ask you about it?"

"No, but its automatic, once a guy says he likes a girl they're dating"

"It's not like that. Kids these days, you're so used to having everything fast paced."

"Of course, we're living in a modernized world, it's expected to be fast paced, it's not the ice age anymore mom."

"Then are you willing to jump forward to everything even without thinking about the consequences and the risk that you need to put up with?"

"If its for the one I love then yes"

"But you told me you're not sure yet with how you feel about him"

"But isn't it enough that you know that you both like each other, love can grow from dating"

"Love can also grow from friendship."

"But it'll be too much of a risk to give up friendship"

"I thought you said you can risk everything for him?"

"B—but" she's right! I can't argue with that.

"He was trying to befriend you to get to know the real you and letting you know the real him in the process. He may have other intensions in mind, but it's not yet time, because both of you aren't ready yet. Like Elisabeth and Jim, they waited a long time for one another."

"Yeah, but in the end Jim died. It's not worth it"

"Do you think it's really not worth it?"

"No, because even though it was just a year, it was something they worked hard for and always looked forward for. Everything was worth it at the end."

"Why not be like them? While you two are friends, you can understand your feelings better, and get to know each other better"

"But isn't dating also like that?"

"It's two different things, in dating you always put the best foot forward for the other person to like you more, but in getting to know each other as friends not only the best foot is forward but also the worst. You get to know each other a lot better and truer than when you two are dating."

"Mom, I'm sorry for ever thinking that way about you. I understand it now."

"I think you also owe someone else an apology"

"I'll try to talk with him when I see him. Mom, could we watch the movie together?"

"Sure, I'll get more popcorn."

"Can I help?"

That was some logic. I never thought if that way. Tomoyo used to tell me that as long as both of you like each other it's enough to withstand everything, but after our talk that thought seems so shallow. It's not enough for both parties to just like each other; relationship and commitment can be hard work to sustain it. You've got to think about the consequences and the risk, and everything that comes with it. Everything should be planned out. Love is not something to jump forward to without thinking twice, it should be thought over and over again. Mom was right, I was expecting something from him, and I made it a big deal when it's supposed to be a small misunderstanding. I really owe him an apology.

"Mom, can we go on a date tomorrow after church?" I ask out of the blue, at the middle of the film.

_Dear Diary,_

_Mother knows best, that's for sure, and I will never argue with that statement again. Mom was right; I could've avoided getting hurt if I just didn't shut my mind from the idea of understanding him. At the middle of the film I ask mom for a date, which she gladly accepts. I plan to eat out with her; it's been a while since we spoke with each other. I want her to catch up with my life, I want to tell her everything Syao's mom and I talked about at church last week. I want her to know me better, and I want her to be my guide. It wouldn't be right to let others be my guide, it should be her, my mom because she understands me more, and she can see if something is really changing or not. Syao's mom was right all along, I just needed to accept that I was the one at fault and not my mom. I just have to open up to her like she's been doing for the past few days. Tomorrow's going to be a great day I just can feel it._

-Sunday-

_Dear Diary,_

_Today started out unexpectedly. I woke up earlier than usual like the last time, but the difference is I'm excited for this day. I didn't feel I was obliged to get ready and everything, I was actually happy and contented. All those frustrations I felt a few days back was all gone, like it was never there to begin with. Church was great, I meant the lesson that was preached in the service. I saw Syao's mom again, and I told her everything that happened last night. She was very glad that resulted to hugging me a little too tight, my mom hurriedly rescued me of course. She apologizes after, she said she was just too ecstatic about me and my mom making up; it was then that I found out that they were best friends since like forever, well according to them that is. I wonder why I never knew her before, or why she never visits our place and us visiting theirs. I wonder why, but before I even asked it, my mom already answered it. They moved here recently, and whenever she was invited at home, I was always out with Tomoyo; that made me remember that Syao was a new student last school year._

_After the service I invited mom to our supposedly date, but mom has a different plan; I didn't know of this plan until we were ready to go. Mom had already invited Syao and his mom to go with us. I was frustrated at first because it's supposed to be our bonding time, but when Syao looked at me in the eye, all those frustrations were gone. Mom was the best! We were at my favorite fast food restaurant when mom and Yelan, well aunt Yelan according to her, decided to give us some privacy to talk about what happened. I overheard mom and Aunt Yelan talked about what I cried to her last Sunday, and how I'm struggling with my faith. Syao and I talked for the first time as stranger. It was his idea, to start anew; we re-introduced ourselves and befriended one another. I believe tomorrow's going to be a better day. All the misunderstanding, frustrations, hatred and all those negative feelings are all gone. There's only happiness and relief. This time, I want to start fresh; I want to know more about God and about Syao. This is my journey to finding what I want and my purpose._

_thanks for reading it hope you like it, all kinds of reviews are welcome, might be criticisms suggestions or comments. Thanks and God bless  
_


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